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The Lieutenant 



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AN ORIGINAL LIGHT COMEDY. 



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CAST OF CHARACTERS : 

COL. OLDCROFT, an Ex Army Officer. 

MRS. OLDCROFT, his Wife. 

HELEN OLDCROFT, ) ^. ^. 
EDITH ASHTON, \ ^^^^^ iMeces. 

LIEUT. LYTTON, of the U. S. Army. 

WINFRED TRACY, Cousin to Helen. 

WALTER LYTTON, his Friend. 

MARION WHITE, Engaged to Lieut. Lytton. 

CINDY CRAPPS, a Colored Girly^^^^'f ^^^^^^ / 

MAY I'l 188 ' 77 
SNOW FLAKE, a Little Darkey\^>j^ /OOSV </ 



SCKI^H : A Seaside Hotel and a Military Fort. 



t 



WALTON C. TIDBALL, - - Author. 

[AUTHOR'S PRIVATE COPY.] 



\ 



A C T I. 

Scene l.—Col. OldGrofCs house. 

Enter Col. and Mrs. Oldcroft, dressed for street 

Mrs. 0. Well David, what do you think about it? 

Col. I don't know. 

Mrs, 0. Atlantic Hotel is a nice place. Besides it's near 

Ft. Comfort. 
Col. Yes, that's so. I'd like to see old Banks. He's in 

command now. 
Mrs. 0. Helen's cousin, Winfred. Tracy, is down there, 

too. That would make it pleasant for the girls. 
Col. Well, call them in here and see what they say. I 

don't give a continental where we go, just so you 

settle on some place or other. 
Jfrs. 0. Helen ! Edith ! come down here a minute, 

please. I want to speak to you. 
Col. They're the ones most concerned, any way. We'd 

better consult them about it first. [Miter Helen 

and Edith.] 
Hel. Well, auntie ? 
Mn. O. Girls, we've just been talking it over, where to 

spend the summer this year. 
Hel. You have ? Just what we were talking of too. 
Mrs. 0. Your uncle and I thought Ft. Comfort would — 
Hel. Well if it isn't— I told you so, Edith I 
3frs. 0. Winfred is down there, and that will make it 

pleasant for you. 
Hel. Of course. Just what I was telling Edith. 
Mrs. O. You think you'll like it, Edith ? 

Hel. Of course she will 

Col. Helen, let somebody else say a word or two. 

Hel. Yes, sir. 

Edith. I think I will. I don't know much about it — 

only what Helen tells me. 
Col. Humph ! Can't depend much on that. 
Hel. Now uncle 



Col. Never mind ; I know yon. 

Mrs. 0. Well, that settles it then. We'll go to Ft. 
Comfort. 

Col. Recollect, however, we're going there for rest ; — 
not to stay np all night dancing and carrying on like 
you have all winter. You need rest, and you must 
take it. 

Hel. Of course, uncle. Who ever thought of such a 
thing ! 

Col. None of your love business, flirtation walks, and 
all that. 

Hel. No sir, not from me. Unless Edith wants to do 
those things. I don't. 

Col. She's been too well brought up for any such non- 
sense — eh, my little Quakeress ? 

Edith. I'll try not to give you any trouble, uncle. 

Col. That's right. She is a good girl. 

Mrs. 0. If Helen don't spoil her. 

Col. And you, Miss ? What have you got to say ? 

Hel. I'll do the best I can, uncle. 

Col. All right. See that you keep your word. Come 
on, wife. Let's be going. 

Hel. [Aside to Edith.] Have a jolly good time all the 
same. 

Col. Pack up your traps, soon as you please, I'm ready 
for you any time. 

Hel. I won't take long for that. [Exeunt Col. and Mrs. 
Oldcroft.] Oh Edith ! that's just splendid ! Let me 
hug you for the military. I dote on it ! Just dote 
on it ! 

Edith. The military ? Who's he ? 

Hel. He ! Oh my, don't you know ? — The military pro- 
fession, child. Lieutenants, captains, commodores, 
etc. The brass buttons and the swords, the plumed 
troop, the dress-parade, and oh ! the hops and balls 
that make a woman's heart flutter. 

Edith. Helen, that's wicked. 

Hel. Not the militia! they'll do well enough to flirt and 
dance with 

Edith. Oh Helen ! 



Hel. In their uniforms, and then lay aside when they 
take them off. But I mean the real article — the 
regulars, you know. That's the kind I want. Just 
one — that's all I want. 
Edith. You don't mean to say that — that — 
Hel. That I'm going to try to get one ? Of course I am. 
Come on ; I'll tell you all about it. We'll pack up 
now. Cousin Winfred is down there and he'll post 
me. Meantime I'll give you a few little points on 
how to catch beaux. You need them bad. [jE^j^z^^.] 

Scene II. — A vjharf in front of the Hotel. Walls of 
Fort seen in the distance. 

Enter Tracy and Lieut. Lytton. 

Tra. The boat v/ill soon be here, Lytton. Can't you 

wait ? 
Lieut. I'm afraid I can't, Tracy. 
Tra. AVhy not ? What's up ? I'd like to have you meet 

my cousin. 
Lieut. I'd like to, I'm sure ; but just now I've got to be 

inside the Fort — about half an hour yet. 
Tra. Guard-mounting? 

Lieut. Yes, besides weekly inspection. That comes off to- 
day, too. You see, I'm kept so infernally busy now, 

I don't have any time for any thing. 
Tra. Can't you come down to-night ? 
Lieut. I don't know ; it's doubtful. Will if I can, 

though. 
Tra. Do so, if you can. My friends expect to meet 

about 400 officers down here; now there's only one ! 
Lieut. Quite a come down. 
Tra. Yes, it is that. 

Lieut. Well, I'll do the best I can. So long. ( (rom^.) 
Tra. See you later. Good-bye. 
Lieut. Oh — have you got your commission yet ? 
Tra. No expect it in a few days now. Got my uniform, 

though. 
Lieut. You have ? 



6 

Tra. Yes, but I haven't had a chance to wear it yet. 

Lieut. Now's your time. Try it on your lady friends. 

Tra, That's so, I might make np for the rest of yon. 
Plenty of room now. \^ExU Lieutenant.^ By George, 
that's a good idea. I'll jnst proceed to put that in 
execution, if I can. Lytton, you're a good fellow 
— a very good fellow, indeed. But I don't think 
you're quite good enough for Marion White — if you 
are engaged to her. I'm the man for her, and she 
knows it too ; and the first thing you know, she'll 
throw you overboard. Let's see, now's my chance. 
If I could switch him off on to Helen — yes, that's it. 
She's so infernally cracked on the military, she'd do 
anything to get one. But how ? Well, I'll have to 
make use of her to get Marion free. Then she can 
take the Lieutenant — Helen can. He'd just suit her. 
No, I won't introduce them yet awhile. That's it, 
I'll keep those two apart for the present — or else 
introduce him as somebody else — Cap. Smith or 
somebody. Ah, that's the idea ! that's the thing ! 
Then, he can meet Helen without her knowing who 
he is. That's it ; I'll suggest that idea to him. 
Good thing for him too. See what kind of a girl 
she is, before he really knows her. Helen's cousin, 
Miss Ashton— I wonder what sort of a girl she is ? 
Well I'll see. Hello Walter! You up so early ? 
\^Aside.'\ Another man I can make use of. 

Enter Walter Lytton, 

Wal. Yes, Your friends arrived yet ? 

Tra. No. Expect them every minute, though. 

Wal. It's time for the boat, sure. 

Tra. Yes — have you met Lieut. Lytton ? There he 

goes — namesake of yours here. Nice fellow too. 
Wal. No, I haven't had the pleasure, yet. Is there one 

of that name here ? 
Tra. Yes, the only young officer there is at the Fort 

now. All the rest are absent, at the riots up in 

Pennsylvania. 



Wal. I'd like to meet him. 

Tra. Some other time. Hello ! here they come. Let's 
stand aside a minute, Iwant to get a glimpse of that 
consin of Helen's. \^Enter and pass across^ Col. and 
Mrs. Older oft. Helen and Edith, in traveling dress. 
Colored porter follows loith baggage, etc.] She's 
not so bad, is she ? 

Wal. No. Plenty of her, too. 

Tra. Oh, humph! Not that one, I don't mean hei*. 
That's only my cousin, Helen Oldcroft. I mean 
the little dainty one. She's the one I meant. 

Wal. Well she'll do 

Tra'. Yes, she'll do ; and if you know what's the right 
thing to do, Walter, you'll make it agreeable for her, 
too — while she's staying here. She's got lots of 
money coming to her some of these days ; and 
besides, she's a nice girl, too — Helen says. Come 
on. I'll introduce you. [M)semit.] 

Re-enter Lieut. Lytton. 

Lieut. I don't think I'm so busy to-day but what I can 
wait around here a while longer. Tracy's been 
talking so much about that cousin of his — she 
must be something extra. I see they've just come, 
so I'll try and meet her. I'd like to see her first, 
unobserved. [Msit.'] 

Re-enter Walter and Edith. 

Wal. Oh, I think you'll like it here, Miss Ashton. I'm 

sure you will. 
Edi. I think so. I was never in a military fort before. 
Wal. You weren't ? Well, I hope I'll have the pleasure 

of taking you inside and showing you 'round. 
Edi. Thank you, sir. 
Wal. Not at all. I want to do all I can to make it 

pleasant for you, while you're here. 
Edi. You're very kind, indeed. 
Wal. Shall we sit down here awhile ? {They seat them 

selves, hack.] 



8 

Re-enter Tracy and Helen. 

Tra. Why Helen, you're looking well. 

mi Ami? 

Tra. Yes, indeed you are. 

Hel. I'm glad to hear it. But — but where's all the 

military ? The-^the officers, you know ? I don't 

see any around. 

Ti^a. Oh, they're all absent 

Hel. Absent! 

Tra. Yes, at the riots up in Pennsylvania. 

Hel. Well, I — I Oh yes, certainly. 

Tra. Why, what of that ? 

Hel. Oh-nothing; it's nothing. 

Tra. Sit down here, Helen. You look tired. 

Hel. Yes, I — I do feel a little tired. 

Tra. What about the officers, Helen ? 

Hel. Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to know. That 

was all. 
Tra. Now cousin, that's too thin, I wouldn't' try to 

come any of those little games over me. I know 

you too well for that. 
Hel. Well, what do you ask such silly questions for, 

then? "What about the officers, Helen!" — as if 

you didn't know. 
Tra. Might as well speak it out plain. Thought you'd 

capture one of them, did you ? 
Hel. Yes, I did. 
Tra. Well, there's still a chance for you, Helen. There 

is one officer here 

Hel. There is ? 

Tra. Yes, but he's engaged 

Hel. Engaged! 

Tra. Yes ; to a young lady inside the Fort. 

Hel. Oh — that's always the way. 

Tra. Well, don't get discouraged yet a while. The 

funniest part of it is,, that I'm in love with that 

same young lady myself. 
Hel. You are ? 
Tra. I am — that very thing. 
Hel. Who's going to get her ? 



Tra. Well, I don't know, but I think I am — if you'll 
help me. 

Hel. Certainly, I'll do it. 

Tra, Because, you see, Helen, if I get her, then that 
sets the Lieutenant free, and you can take him. 

Hel. Certainly, of course I can. 

Tra. The first thing is to break that engagement 

Hel. But how? 

Tra. It won't take much to do it. That's how. You 
see she knows that she loves me, and she knows that 
I love her, and she knows that she's not going to 
marry that Lieutenant. 

Hel. Of course she is not. Not if I can help it. 

Tra. What's more reasonable than to suppose then that 
she's just putting me off a while, in order to be con- 
trary about it ? 

Hel. That's just it. That's what's the matter with her. 

Tra. Now if you could do a little talking for me — You 
see, Helen, that's the trouble — I'm so bashful, and 
modest 

Hel. Poor fellow ! I pity you. 

Tra. I am, indeed. Now if you could say a good word 
for me now and then — I'll introduce you to-morrow 
— there's your chance now! See that young man 
there ?— 

Hel. He's teaching her how to swim ! Oh, my ! \B,e- 
f erring to Walter and Edith ] 

Tra. Yes, that's it. Take a dive, now. One, two, three, 
In you go ! 

Hel. Edith will never learn to swim. She's too lean. 

Tra. His name is Lytton ; so is the Lieutenant's. so if 
you talk to Miss White about this one, she'll think 
you mean the one she's engaged to — won't she? 

Hel. Of course she will. If she don't, I'll make her. 
Every thing has got to come out the way you say it 
will. 

Tra. Then she'll be jealous and pitch into him for 
making love to other girls. Put it on thick. Make 
her believe he's making real love to your cousin 
there — anything to break that engagement. That's 



10 

what I want ; and you, too. Because you can't get 

that Lieutenant until he's free, and he's the only 

the only one there is here. 
Hel. The only one ? Who's that coming there, Win- 

fred ? Isn't that an officer ? 
Tra. No, I guess not. [JRising as if to looJc.] It's 

Lytton, sure. What's he coming back here for ? I 

must head him off. [Callmg off'.] Here, Snowflake ! 

Come, here. No, I'll go myself. Excuse me a 

moment, Helen, I want to see him. [^xit. Enter 

Snowflake y and basket.] 
Hel. I wonder who he is ? I hope he'll come this way. 

Here little boy. Come here. What's your name ? 
Snoio. Snowflake, ma'am. 
Hel. Is that the only name you've got ? 
Snow. Yes'm. 
Hel. Who's that officer coming yonder ? You know 

him, don't you ? 
Snow. Yes'm, I know'im. That's Lieut. Lytton. 
Hel. It i^. \_Aside.] One point gained. 
Snotu. Yes'm. He's officer of the day now — all the 

time. 
Hel. Who else is at the Fort ? 
Snoiv. Nobody, but him — an'the G-en'l. Yes'm, Major 

Wainwright, too ! 
Hel. Who's he ? 

Snow. I dunno. Some kind of'cer. 
Hel. Can you dance ? 
Sno^v. No'm. I can't dance. 
Hel. Sure? 
Snoiu. Yes'm. I nevah could dance like dem other liltle 

niggahs. 
Hel. Did you ever try ? 
Snow. Yes'm. I'se of'n tried. 
Bel. Suppose you try now. I never saw a little darky 

like you dance. 
Snoiu. Didn't! Grolly, must be sight ! 
Hel. I'd like to see you. 

Snow. Well, I'll try. Don't 'spec' I kin do much, 
though. Begins a dance. 



11 

Re-enter ^\}b.aoy and Lieut. Lytton. 

2ra. That's pretty good, Snowflake. Here's a dime for 
you. 

Snow. Thank 'ee, sir. 

Sel. He said he couldn't dance. 

Snow. 1 was only foolin'. He, he, he. 

Tra. Clear out, now. Scoot ! Go and fish. 

Snow. Yes'ah, yes'ah ! I will. [Retires and begins to 
fish over the side of the wharf /\ 

Hel. Shame to treat him that way. 

Tra. That's nothing; do him good. Helen, let me 
introduce my friend, Cap. Smith, My cousin, Helen 
Oldcroft, Captain. 

Hel. Glad to meet you, sir. [Aside.] Cap. Smith ! 

Lieut. Your first visit, I believe, to Fort Comfort ? 

Hel. Yes sir, this is the first time I've been here. 

Tra. My cousin is \rery much disappointed, Captain, 
because all the officers are away. 

Lieut. Of course, naturally. I'm very much disappointed 
myself, Miss Oldcroft. 

Hel. Why so, Captain ? 

Lieut. Because I'm a married man. 

Hel. Oh Captain ! [Aside.] What a whopper ! 

Lieut. I am, indeed. 

Hel That's very complimentary to me — but not to your 
wife. 

Tra. Oh, she's away from home now, Helen, so that ac- 
counts for it. 

Hel. [Aside.] One for Winfred. 

Tra. He wouldn't be so gallant, if she were here. 

Hel. Certainly; of course not. Now, Captain, if you 
could only pretend you were engaged, instead of 
married — — 

Lieut. Oh yes — certainly — of course. Good idea. Any- 
thing to please the ladies. That's so, Tracy ? 

Tra. Yes, certainly, you might. [Aside.] ^he suspects 
something. 

Hel. Then you'd have certain liberties, you know 



13 

Lieut. Which a married man couldn't have. That's it 

exactly. What a pity I'm married. 
Hel. Never mind, I'll just imagine you're only engaged. 
Tra. [Aside.'] Whew! what's the matter with her, any- 
how. 
Hel. That will do just as well — for the present. 
Lieut. Yes, certainly, of course, just the same. 
Hel. Your wife wouldn't mind itjl'ra sure — if you showed 

some attention to me. Think she would, Captain ? 
Tra. Helen, that's rather a pointed question to ask the 

Captain 

Hel. I'm not talking to you, Winfred. 

Tra. No, I know you're not. You see how embarrassed 

the Captain looks ? He's not accustomed to have 

girls talk that way to him 

Hel. Time he's learning. 

Tra. Helen, I'm astonished. Captain, you mustn't 

mind what my cousin says 

Hel. No. She can take care of herself. You mustn't 

mind her, Captain. 
Tra. All right. Have it your own way. [Aside.] Most 

contrary girl I ever saw. [ Walks to where Snowflake 

is fishing^ 
Hel. My cousin thinks he can teach me how to behave — 

before married men. 
Lieut. I'm sure you haven't given any offense to me, 

Miss Oldcroft. 
Hel, Oh, certainly not, Captain — because you're not a 

married man. 
Lieut. Not a married man ? Why surely you don't pre- 
tend to say, Miss Oldcroft 

Hel. That you're not married? That's just exactly 

what I pretend to say, Captain. 
Lieut. How do you make that out? 
Hel. Oh — never mind. I know. A little bird whispered 

it to me [Aside.] little blackbird. 
Lieut. But I am, though. Indeed I am. 
Heh Indeed you're not. Excuse me, but I know a 

married man when I see him. 



13 

Lieut. Then you don't see one now ? 

Hel ¥o. 

Lieut. Well, if yon say so, Miss Oldcroff, it's all right. 
It's just the same to you as if I really were not 
married. At the same time 

Hel. At the same time I'll take it for granted that you 
are married, and therefore I'll not permit anything 
that a married man should not say to a young un- 
married woman. 

Lieut. No, certainly not. 

Hel. Ah ha! I've got you there, Captain. 

Lieut. Oh, that's all right, Miss Oldcroft. That's per- 
fectly fair. Only, as I was going to say, my wife 
being away from home, I wouldn't mind straining 
a point or so 

Hel. No, I don't want you to strain any points for me, 
Captain. 

Lieut. You misunderstand me, Miss Oldcroft. 

Hel. No, I understand you, perfectly well. I hate 
married men that flirt. 

Lieut. Oh, Miss Oldcroft, that's rather hard on me. I 
don't deserve that. 

Hel. You suppose I'd want my husband to do that way 
— if I had one ? 

Lieut. Well, but then, you see, where there's such a 
charming young lady concerned 

Hel. \^Ooing.\ No, no, that's enough. That's sufficient. 
Captain. 

Lieut. Let me tell you 

Hel. No, I w^on't listen. That's not the way for married 
men to talk. You're a married man you know. 

Lieut. Certainly, but then 

Hel. No flirting. Captain. No flirting. I won't allow it. 

Lieut. You're not going ? [Exeunt. Hel. and Lieut»] 

Snoiu, Phew ! that must be a big one. Col-lie ! [HatiUng 
in his li7ie.] Geemenee ! how it pulls ! 

Tra. What is it, Snow flake ? 

Snow. 1 dunno, sah. Somethin' awful big. 

Tra. There she is ! Haul her in now. Quick ! [La7ids. 
a large eel on the tvharf.] 



14 

Edi. Oh ! a snake ! a snake ! Oh ! Oh! 
Snow. A snake! snake! salt water snake ! ! She! worst 
I ever hurd. 

Re-enter Helen and Lieutenant. 

Hel. Where? Where? 

Tra. [Picking it up and holding it toivard her.] Here 

it is, Helen. Here ! here ! 
Hel. Oh ! Winfred ! Winfred ! stop ! 
Tra. Take it, Helen ; take it. 

Hel. No ! no ! Captain, won't you please make him stop ? 
Lieut. No, I can't interfere. I'm a married man, you 

know. 
Tra. Don't you believe it, Helen ? 
Lieut. No, she don't. She savs I'm not married. 
Tra. Take it back, Helen ! fake it back ! 
Hel. Yes, Yes. I will, I will! Only take that nasty 

thing away ! 
Tra. So much for jou.[Goi7ig toiuards Edith.] 
Edi. Oh, Mr. Tracy! Please don't; I'm afraid it will 

bite. 
S710W. Bite ! he ! he ! Bite ! ! 
Tra. What she say, Walter ? What do you want ? Ask 

her anything. 
Wal. I want her to go inside the Fort with me. 
Tra. Will you go, Miss Edith ? Will you go ? 
Edi. Yes, yes, I'll go. 
Tra. Now ? Eight away ? 

Edi. Yes now, this very minute. Ugh ! the nasty thing I 
Wal. I want that fan she's got, too. 
Tra. Give it up. Miss Edith. Fork it over. 
Edi. Here ! here it is. Take it. [Gives fan to Walter.] 

I think you're awful mean, Mr. Tracy. 
Tra. Yes, I'm a bad man. [Goes toioards Helen.] 
Hel. Now Winfred, keep away! 
Tra. Will you go? w.ll you go? — inside the Fort ? 
Hel. Yes, I'll go, I'll go — anywhere to get away from 

that thing. 
Tra. Take it, Snowflake. [Throws it at him.] I'm going^ 

to get one of those things and have it stuffed. I'll 

carry it around with me all the time. 



15 

Hel. You need one — to keep you company. 

Tra. It's an ^'eel" wind that blows nobody good. 

Hel. Is til at an eel ? 

Tra. That's an eel, Helen. Some people eat them. 

Hel. I wouldn't. Ugh ! the horrid thing. 

Tra. Neither would I — now. Are Ave going inside? 

Hel. The eel? 

Tra. No, no — the Fort, Helen. You said you would. 
We'll all go inside and see gaard-mounting with 
you. Captain. 

Lieut. Very well; I'm satisfied. \^Aside.'\ Helen is a 
nice girl. I don't mind being agreeable, if I am 
engaged. 

Hel. I'm ready. [Aside.'] Wherever the Captain goes, I'll 
follow — if he is a married man ! 

Edi. l^Adde.] I don't know, but I think he is. Acts 
very much like it. Anyhow he's the first beau I 
ever had. 

Tra. [Aside.] How is it, Walter? 

Wal. All solid. 

Tra. I thought so. Keep it up old boy. She's worth hav- 
ing. Come on,all of you. I'll invite you all to go inside 
and see the Army. Not much of an army to eat 
up taxes and keep the people poor — but what there 
is of it, it's all there ; ready at any time to rally 
'round the flag 

Hel. [Singing.] " Boys, we'll rally once again," 
Shouting the battle cry of fre dom ! " 

AIL Once we were English, once we were Dutch, 
Frenchmen and Spaniards, Irish and such ; 
Bat now we're all united, trying to prove. 

Trying to prove [They hesitate, ayid finally 

hreah doivn C07npletelyy laughing at each other.] 

Enter Col. Oldcroft. 

Col. Trying to prove ! — yes, trying to prove you're very 

poor singers. That's what's the matter. 
Tra. Never mind. We'll pull through. 

Curtain. 



ACT 11. 

Scene I. Marions liome in the Fort ; a ve7'a?ida. 

Ente7' Marion, Helen and Tracy. 

Mar. What's your hurry, Mr. Tracy ? Can't you stay ? 

Tra. I'm sorry, Miss White — 

Mar. Oh now, don't say that. I know better. You're 

not in a hurry at all. 
Tra. Indeed I am. I wish I could, but I only called 

this morning to introduce my cousin. She's a 

stranger here-^ 
Mar. No she's not — if I can help it. 
Tra. I hope you'll be the best of friends. 
Mar. Of course we will. Won't we Helen ? Shall I 

call you Helen ? 
HeJ. Do ; I hate formality. 
Mar. So do I. I'll take you to my heart already. [Em- 

braciug Helen.'] 
HeJ. Hem — well — do I owe this warm reception to my- 
self alone — 
Marl Oh certainly. Why ? 
Heh I thought perhaps it might be because I have a 

cousin. 
Mar. Oh no; not in the least. 
He\ Thanks ; I'm relieved. 
Tra. Don't you believe anything she says about that 

cousin. Miss Marion. We're cats and dogs — 
Mar. Is it possible ! 

Tra. Oh it's quite possible. You don't know her. 
Hel. You can go, Winfred. You're excused. 
Tra. You're coming down to-night, aren't you, Marion ? 
Mar. I don't know. Mother's sick to-day — 
Tra. I hope you will. 
Mar. I will it" I can. 

Tra. Ill expect you. Good-bye. YExit.'] 
Mar. AVell ?— why so serious, Helen ? 
Hel I don't know ; I was only thinking. 



17 

Mar. Thinking ? About what ? 

HeL You — and Winfred — my cousin, I mean. 

Mar. Your cousin and me ? 

Heh Yes. Why is he always talking about you ? 

Mar. I don't know ; is he ? 

Hel. Talks about nothing else — to me. 

Mar. Must be pleasant — for you. 

Heh Very. How is it you're blushing so ? 

Mar. I don't know ; am I ? 

Heh No; only a little, just a little bit. 

Mar. I didn't mean to. 

Hel. Never mind ; I'll excuse you. I'm not blind, you 

know. 
Mar. No ? 
Hel. I can see a thing or two. I know you're engaged, 

Marion — to one man — and — 
Mar. Well ? 

Hel. In love with another. 
Mar. Now Helen, I protest — 
Hel. You needn't. I'll excuse you. He's my cousin 

you know. 
Mar. Have you met him — Lieut. Lytton ? 
Hel. Is that his name — Lytton ? There's a young man 

of that name been paying very particular attention 

to my cousin, Edith Ashton, since we've been here. 
Mar. You don't say. What's he like ? 
Hel. Tall, dark hair, etc. [Describes Lieut.'] 
Mar. I'hat's he, sure. 
Hel. Do you allow that ? 
Mar. What can I do ? 
Hel. Well I'd soon show him what I'd do — if I were 

you. 
Mar. Helen, I don't know what to do. We don't get 

along very well together — 
Hel. Will you take a little good advice ? 
Mar. Certainly. 
Hd. Then don't you take No. 2 when No. 1 is only 

waiting for you. 
Mar. Perhaps you'd like the Lieutenant, Helen ? 
Hel. N-no, I don't think I would, Marion. Fact is, I 



18 

(lon'fc care much about beaux, anyway. [Aside.^ 
That's a good one. 

Mar. Didn't he notice you, particularly ? 

Hel. No, I don't think he did. [Aside.] That's another. 

Mar. Of course you didn't give him any encourage- 
ment? 

Hel Oh, certainly not, Marion. [Aside.] Still they 
come. 

Mar. Perhaps he didn't have a chance ? 

Hel. Yes he did, plenty. [Aside.] I wish she'd stop. 

Mar. Jf I could only meet that cousin of yours — what's 
lier name ? * ^ 

Hel. Come down to-night, won't you, Marion ? I'll in- 
troduce you. We're all going out to see the Kiss- 
ing Bridge. What is that anyhow ? 

Mar. Never mind ; you'll see. 

Hel Lover's seat ; that's another. 

Mar. I've been there, Helen. 

Hel Have you ? Very suggestive names. 

Mar. Very. You're not going ? 

Hel Yes ; good-bye. I'll see you to-night. 

Mar. I hope so. Grood-bye, Helen. 

Hel Good-bye. [Returning.] You understand, Marion, 
what I said about Winfred ? It's all for his sake — 

Mar. Oh, certainly. I understand that, Helen. 

Hel. You're not offended ? 

Mar. Of course not. How you talk ! 

Hel Then I'll say good-bye, again — cousin Marion. 

Mar. You old fraud ! I won't answer that. 

Hel It's all right. I'll excuse you. [Aside.] That engage- 
ment's broken, and the Lieutenant's mine. [Exit.] 

Mar. Helen's a nice girl. She knows too much, though 
for me. What's the difference, though, I don't 
care. She might as well know it now as anytime. 
[Exit.] 

Scene. II. The heach. A small bridge thereon^ hack. 
In front .^ a rustic seat. 

Enter WALTER and Edith. 

Edi. Is that the bridge ? 
Wal. That's it. 



19 

Edi. I don't see anything peculiar about thatbridge. 

Wed. I'here is though ; at least the custom connected 
with it. 

mi. What's tliat ? 

Wal. Well, you see, they call this the Kissing Bridge. 

Edi, Kissing Bridge? 

W^ft/. Yes 

Edi. What's it kiss? 

Wal. Oh, the bridge don't kiss anything. 

Edi. Don't it? 

Wal. No, it's the people on it. 

Edi. There's no people on it now. 

Wal. No, there might be though. 

Edi. What do tliey call it that for? 

Wal. It's one of the customs here. It's absolutely im- 
possible for any young man to cross that bridge. 

Edi. It is ? Humph ! 

Wal. With a lady I mean. 

Edi. With a lady? 

Wal. Yes ; if she's young and pretty — like you. 

Edi. M»'. Lytton, you needn't speak to me any more. 

Wal. Veiy well, I won't. \^A pause.'] You asked me, 
though ; so I thought I'd tell you. {^Another paiise,\ 
Its not my fault. It's the custom here. 

Edi. Well, what's the reason he can't ? 

Wal. Because he'd have to take toll. 

Edi. Take toll? What's that? 

Wal. Nothing — only a kiss. 

Edi. Oh— is that all ? 

Wal. That's all. 

Edi. Humph! that's funny. 

Wad. Yes, it is — very funny — for the young man, 

Edi. Funny lor the girl, too, isn't it ? 

Wal I don'^know. Wouldn't you like to try? 

Edi. No, I guess not. I won't cross this evening. 

Wal. Oh, but you can't help yourself. The tide is risen. 
We can't go back the way we came. 

Edi. That's so. Well, why didn't you tell me that before? 

. Wal. Well— I forgot, Miss Edith. 

Edi. Well— I'm afraid. 



20 

Wal. It's not so bad — after you get used to itv 

Edi. No I suppose not — after you get used to it. Must 
be dreadful, tbough — tbe first time. 

Wal. 01), I don't think so. 

Udi. Oh, look! who's that coming yonder? 

JVal. [Loohi7ig bach.] Oh, that's nobody. [Udith sud- 
denly 7'uns across the iridge.] Oh ho ! that's your 
Utile game, is it? [Runs after.] 

Edi. No ! you shan't do it, now ! I'm across. Go way ! 
go way ! I'll scream ! [Exeunt.] 

Enter Tracy, Helen and Marion. 

Hel. Now that's what I call mean. I didn't think Edith 
would act that way. 

Mar. That was not Mr. Lytton. 

Hel. I tell you it was, Marion. 

Mar. It wasn't — was it, Winfred — Mr. Tracy? 

Tra. No, it was not Mr. Tracy. 

Mar. There, I told you so. I'll never believe anything 
you say, Helen. 

Hel. You needn't — if you don't want to. It was Mr. 
Lytton though, just the same. 

Mar. Lieut. Lytton ? 

Hel. Well, isn't he Mr. Lytton ? Of course he is. 

Mar. Helen, you're telling stories. 

Hel. Very well; you needn't believe it. [Aside.] Make 
her think it was, anyhow. 

Mar. There's the Lover's Seat, Helen. You can sit 
down on it. [Takes Tracifs Arm and walks aside 
ivith him.] 

Hel. [Seating herself.] Yes — fine Lover's Seat, when I 
haven't got any lover to sit with me. I'm getting 
tired of this thing — playing second fiddle all the 
time. Have all the work to do and no thanks for 
it. Never mind. If I get a chance at that Lieuten- 
ant, I'll bet he'll never speak to her again. [Marion 
and Tracy return.] Humph ! thinks she's some- 
body now, don't she. 

Mar. Comfortable, Helen ? 



21 

Hel. Quite comfortable, thank you. 

Mar. I hope we don't intrude. ^Seats herself.^ 

Hel Oh no ; not at all. \^A pause ^ Plenty of room, 

Winfred. Sit down. 
Tra. No, I'd prefer to stand, Helen. 
Hel. There's room enough. 

Tra. Yes, I know — but then 

Hel. What's the matter ? Am I in the way ? 

Tra. Fact is, Helen, that seat is only intended for two — 

or four. 
Hel. \^Rising.'\ Oh — now you can sit down. 
Tra. [Seatmg himself] Thanks. That's the custom, 

you know — either two or four ; but not three. 
Hel. That's it, is it ? Perhaps you'd give us an exhibi- 
tion. How do lovers behave ? — two lovers, for 

instance. I'd like to know. 
Tra. No, we never make an exhibition of ourselves — 

before company. 
Hel. Oh — then I'm company ? 
Ti-a. No, not exactly that, Helen. Still if you'd like to 

know, you might take Miss White's place. I'll do 

the best I can to show you. 
Mar. Yes, do, Helen. I'd like to see myself. 
Hel. You're only joking, Winfred. 
Tra. No I'm not. I want to practice up some — hon- 

istly. 

Hel. All right. I don't care. [Takes Mariori's place.] 

Will it hurt? 
Tra. N — no. I guess not. Are you ready ? 
Hel. Yes, go ahead. 
Tra. Well — you must turn your face away, Helen. I'm 

rather bashful, you know 

Hel Oh, I don't mind that. 

Tra. Well, first I put my arm this way — on the back of 

tiie seat. Then, I take this hand in mine, so —and 

then — sighing this way — I — I — well, I don't know 

exactly what is done then, except I — I tell you how 

much I love you 

Hel. Yes ; but you can just omit that part of it now. 
Tra. Thanks. That's a great relief. Then, after that, 

supposing I'd told you everything 



22 

Mel Yes, but yon haven't. 

Tf^a. No, I'm only showing yon how. I might even 
get down on my knees — this way [Jle rises^ while 
Marion slips i7ito his place along side of ITelen.] 
No, I gness I won't do that, either. It's hardly 
necessar3\ I'll jnst sit down by yon here, and lay 
my head on yonr shonlder, in this way, and dream, 
and dream, and dream I'm in heaven. [Seats him- 
self alongside of 3fario7i. and reclines his head on 
her shoulder^ while Marion rests her head on Hele^i's 
shoulder. He retains Helen's hand in his all the 
ichile ] 

Hel. I'll be in heaven, too, won't I ? 

Tra. Oh yes, of conrse ; yon'll be there. 

Hel. 1 thonght so. Seems like it, now. 

Tra. Easiest way to make love, anyway. 

Hel. I'm satisfied, if you are. 

Tra Suit's me, exactly. \_Pretends to sleep.'] 

Mar. [As if in her sleep.] Yum yum. 

Hel Is that all ? 

3Iar. [Sleepily.] What time is't ? 

Hel. [Turns her head.] Well if that isn't cool ! 

Mar. School ? N-no school t'day. 

Hel. [ShakUig her.] Hey Miss, I say — that's cool. You, 
hear ? That's a mean shabby way to do. 

Mar. [Aicaking.] Where am I ? Oh — I was dreaming 
about you, Helen. 

Hel. You were ? 

Mar. Yes. I dreamt I cut you out. 

Hel I don't care. I'll get even with you some day. 
[Aside.] Lieutenant. 

2ra. Never mind, Helen. The course of true love 
always runs that way. 

Hel Yes. [Aside.] Towards the Lieutenant. 

Mar. You said you were satisfied. 

Hel Never mind, Miss. Two can play at that game. 
[Aside to Mar.] Lieut. Lytton ! 

Mar. Ho, you think I care. I know what you mean. 
You can go and tell him, if you want to. Won't 
hurt me. 



23 

Tra. Sh ! who's that coming yonder ? 

Hel. It's uncle, I do believe. 

Tra. Sit down, Helen. Don't let him see you. 

Hel. Yes, it's uncle. Auntie's with him. 

Tra. Sit down, Helen. We'll have some fun. 

Hel. I wonder if they'll cross the bridge ? 

Tra. Here they come. Keep quiet. 

Fnter Col. and Mrs. Oldcroft. 

Col. Been a good while since we crossed that bridge^ 

Martha. 
Mrs. 0. Yes — nothing unusual. 
Col. No, nothing unusual, but then we might try it 

again, 
Mrs. 0. What for ? what's the use ? 
Col. Whai's the use ? Well what's the use in growing- 
old if you can't retain some of that romance about 

you which makes life enjoyable. 
Mrs. 0. Humph ! David you make me laugh. 
Col. You haven't got a bit of romance, Martha. 
Mrs. 0. No, I haven't ; I don't want any either. 
Col, Now Martha, that's not the way you used to talk. 

It's not been so very long ago when you were glad 

enough to hear a little nonsense. Come now, 

wasn't it ? 
Mrs. 0. Oh go away, David ! Don't talk to me. 
Col. You're afraid to go up on that bridge with me ! 

Come now, you're afraid ! 
Mrs. 0. No I'm not, either. What will you do, now ? 

Come on. [They enter the bridge.] 
Tra. Now she's got him. 
Col. Well, we'll just suppose we're young again, you 

know — 
Mrs. 0. No we won't do anything of the kind. 
Col. You'd be leaning up against the railing there — 
Mrs. O. Spoiling my new dress. 
Col. And I'd be standing here asking you to look up at 

those stars — 
Mrs. 0. Well I won't do it. 
Col. Don't matter. They'd be ashamed to see so much 



24 

beauty looking up iit tliem. How's that; Martlm ^ 

That's a pretty good one, im't it ? 

I think you might give me one after that. 
Mrs. 0. Yes, go ahead, David. 
Col. I thought I'd get it. I know a thing or two yet 

about love making. 
Tra. Hem ! 

Col. Who's that ? Must be somebody there. 
Mrs. 0. No there's not. Don't be afraid. 
Col. Oh I'm not afraid. 
Tra. Hem ! 
Col, What is that, anyway ? Didn't you hear some one 

coughing ? 
Mrs. O. It's nothing. I told you you were afraid. 
Col. No I'm not, I don't propose to have everybody see 

me, though. 
Tra. Hem ! [ Coughing^ 

Col. Well now I'm going to see. I'll bet that's Winfred. 

. [^Comes forivard.^ Stay there Martha. Don't move. 

Tra. Quick! Let's get out of here! [Exeunt quichly> 

Tracy, Helen and Marion.~\ 
Mrs. 0. Oh yes, I'll stay — right here. [Aside.] That's 

all you'll get, David — out of me. [Mcit.} 
Col. [Looking at the empty seat. IKum^h ! Nobody here 

after all. I'll swear 1 heard someone. All right, 

Martha, nobody here — yes, nobody there, either. 

I'm left. That's always the way when old folks try 

to be romantic. They always get left. Never do it 

again — never. [Bxit.] 

Re-enter Marion and Tracy. 

Mar. Poor Colonel ! Had his labor for his pains. 

Tra. He's not the only one in that fix. How about me, 
Marion ? 

Mar. You ? 

Tra. Yes, me. I've been following around after you 
now, I don't know how long ; and yet what do I get 
for it ? Sit down ; Iwant to talk to you. 

Mar. What about ? 



25 

Tra. Yourself. I'm tired of this nonsense, Miss White. 
I think you might give me some satisfaction. 

Mar. In what way ? 

Tra, Either marry Lieut. Lytton or give him back that 
ring. 

Mar. What ? — to oblige you ? 

Tra. No, not to oblige me, but to do me justice ; — and 
yourself, too. I don't think you're ever going to 
marry him. What's the use, then, in keeping up 
the engagement ? You know my feelings towards 
you ; you know how much I think of you, and yet 
you won't give me a chance to tell you, while you're 
already engaged. How can I ? How can I speak 
my mind freely to you, if you haven't faith enough 
in me to set yourself free, and give me a chance. 

Mar. Oh, that's it. You want me to break the engage- 
ment so as to give you a chance ! Mr. Tracy you're 
talking very foolish. 

Tra. No I'm not talking very foolish, Miss White. I 
know what I'm saying. I know it's a very serious 
thing to me, and I must speak out what I feel in 
the matter, if I don't put it in very fine words. I 
may be ordered away at any moment — 

Mar . By me ? 

Tra. No, not by you, I hope. Would you order me 
away, Marion, if you could ? 

Mar. No, I don't think I would. 

Tra. Why do you give me encouragement, then ? One 
moment it's hope ; another, despair. You're the 
most provoking girl I ever saw — and I can't help 
loving you for it, either. 

Mar. Never mind. I don't mind it. It's not every girl 
can be engaged to one man and — and — 

Tra. What? — In love with another ! I'll give you all 
I've got in this world Marion, if you'll finish that 
sentence. 

Mar. I will ! 

Tra. You will ! Then I'm your husband } 

Mar. Soon as you ask me. 

Tra. Never mind, I'll trust you, now. You're the best 



26 

girl ill this world, INlarion. I always knew it, I 

always said it; I always will, I don't care what 

liappens, now. I'm satisfied — 
Mar. Sli ! Here comes Helen. 
Tra. Oh, Lord ! I always knew it — she's a nuisance ! 

I wish she'd keep away. Don't speak to her; don't 

notice her. 
Mar. Shall I tell her ? 
Tra. No, don't say a word to her about it — not- a 

word. I'll tell her— some time. You'll break that 

engagement now, won't you, Marion ? 
Mar. Yes — very first cliance I get. 
Tra. That's all I ask. Jast improve your opportunities. 

Don't fell Helen, though. 

Re-enter Helen. 

Hel. Don't make a noise, Winfred ! Here comes Edith 
back — there, just around the turn there. [A pause.] 
Well, anything happened ? Perhaps I intrude. 

Tra. Sit down, Helen. Make yourself comfortable. 

Jlel. Oh thank you ; thank you. You're very kind. 

Tra. Not at all. 

JTel. No ? Shall I make myself agreeable ? 

Tra. Just as you please. 

Hel. Thank you ; I will. Anybody could tell that you 
two were in love. Otherwise you wouldn't be so 
cranky. That's always the way when people get in 
love — they always get cranky. Don't want anybody 
around to see them. 

IVa. Indeed ? 

ITel Yes, indeed. You needn't look so innocent, Miss 
White. I see you. 

Tra. Helen, we love you ! 

Mar. We just dote on you, Helen ! 

Hel About a mile off, you do. Next time I go any- 
where with you two, I'll know it. 

Tra. We'll know it too, I suppose. 

Hel. Yes, you'll know it, too ! t-w-o ! two ! two ! two I 



27 
Re-enter Walter and Edith. 

Tra. Two what ? 
Hel. I give it np — spoons ! 

^cU. Is it necessary to cross the bridge now, Mr. Lytton? 
Wal. No, I think not. 
JEdi. I didn't knov/. I thonght perhaps if it was, we 

might try it. 
Wal. No. I hardly think it's necessary now. 
Edi. Has the tide gone down ? Perhaps there's no 

other way to get home. 
Wal. Oh yes ; we can go the other way now. 
Hel. [^Aside.^ Isn't that mean. 
JEdi. If it was necessary, I don't think I'd mind it so 

much now. 
Wal. You wouldn't ? Oh well then, I hardly think it's 

necessary, if that's the case. 
Tra. [Aside.] What's the matter with him anyway. 
Wal. Here's something right here I'd like to show you. 

See ? — up there among the branches ? 
JEdi. {LooMng up.] Where ? [that broken limb.] 

Wal. Don't you see ? — up there — next to 

Edi. No. I don't see anything. 
Wal. Don't you ? [Kisses her.] 
Hel. [Disclosing herself.] Oh Edith ! 
JEdi. Helen ! [Mcit] 

Hel. Oh ! Shame on you ! [Exit folloioing .] 
Tra. Hello Walter. Don't mind us. 
Wal. That you, Tracy ? 
Tra. Yes. What's the matter ? 
Wal. Nothing — except I'm all alone. 
Tra. I see. Come here ; I'll introduce you to some- 
one. Miss White, this is my friend, Mr. Walter 
Lytton. 
J\far. Mr. Lytton — I'm glad to meet you. Perhaps 

you're not aware that you're engaged to me ? 
Wal. To you ? — Oh ! I see. Same name, of course. 

I'd forgotten — Lieut. Lytton — 
Jfar. No, I mean it — this evening at least. You'll not 
mind it, will you ? 



28 

Wal. I don't know — why ? 

Mar. Never mind ; I'll show yon. 

Wal. I'm afraid it might get me into tronble. [JRe-enfer 

Helen and Edith. 1 
Mar. {Raising her voice,] Why of course it will get 

yon into tronble, Mr. Lytton. How conld you ex- 
pect otherwise ? 
Edi. I wish you'd mind your own business, Helen. I 

know what I'm doing. 
Mar. I beg your pardon, Miss Ashton ; I haven't the 

pleasure of your acquaintance ; but I'd just like to 

tell you that you're making love to my future 

husband. 
Edi, W-who ? 
Mar. My future husband. Don't you understand ? I'm 

engaged to Mr. Lytton. 
Udi. You are ? Well he-didn't tell me that. 
Mar. Oh of course not. Why should he ? 
Bdi. Mr. Lytton. 

Mar. Don't ask him. He knows it. 
£di. I don't believe it. 
Mar. You don't ? Well if I catch you flirting with him 

any more, I'll show you. I'll — I'll scratch your 

eyes out ! [Be- enter Col. and Mrs. Oldcroft.] Leave 

him alone. He's no good for you. 
Edi. Well how was I to know it ? 
Col. Hello here ! what's the row ? 
Fdi. Uncle, I wish you'd take me away from this horrid 

place. I can't go anywhere without their following 

around after me. 
Col. Eh, ha ; so you've been trying to cross the bridge, 

too, have von ? 
Tra. Hem ! 
Col. Oh, it's all right, Winfred. I knew it was you. 

What did you say, Edith ? 
Edi. Nothing, Uncle— only I don't see how he could be 

engaged to her. I know I couldn't. 
Col. Couldn't, hey ? 
Edi. No ; and I don't believe he thinks half as much of 

her as he does of me, either. I don't see how he 

could. 



29 

Ool. Of course not. Neither do T. 

Mrs. 0. What's all this aboiu, Helen ? 

Hel. Nothing, auntie. It's only a little joke on Edith, 

Tra. Hem ! 

Col. Yes, that's twice, VYinfred ; now once more. 

Tra. Hem ! 

Col. Ha, ha, ha ! Good joke, isn't it ! Why don't you 

laugh, Martha ? 
Mrs. 0. Oh, no. The joke is on you ; not me. 
Col. Well I know what I'm going to do Gen'I. Banks, 
the commanding officer inside the Fort theie, invited 

me to let you two girls pay him a visit. So I'm 

going to take you both in there to-morrow morning, 

tell him to shut you up in the house, and not let 

you see a solitary man — not one. 
Tra. Phew ! 

Col. Who's the joke on now, I'd like to know? 
Hel. I think you might let me off, uncle ? I didn't do 

anything. 
Col. Yes you would, if you had a chance. Entirely toa 

much of this nonsense going on. 
Tra. Hem ! 
Col. 01], that's all right, young man. That don't count. 

I know what I'm doing. 
Hel. Come on then, Edith. Let's go. 
Wal. YAside.l Don't go, Miss Edith, I'm not engaged to 

anyone. 
Hel. Yes he is, Edith. Don't believe him. Come on. 

[Takes hold of her. ^ 
Edi. Helen, I don't believe I want to go. 
Hel. Yes you do now. Come on ! It's not healthy for 

you out here. 
Wal. Yes it is ! Don't you go. Miss Edith ! Don't go! 

I'll help you. \^Takes hold of her hy the other hand. 

Marion helps Helen, lohile Tracy assists Walter. 

They all talk at the same time.'] 
lEdi. Leave me alone, Helen ! I don't want to go, I tell 

you. 
Hel. Yes you do. 
Mar. I'll help you. Bring her along, Helen. Pull ! 

pull! 



30 

Tra, Hold fast, Walter ! 

Col. By George ! I must have a hand in this. Whoop 

her up, Winfred ! 
Mrs. 0. David, you're on the wrong side ! \Pulls at his 

coat tails. ^ 
Col. That's so, I am. Now Helen, all together ! 
Edi. Oh, dear ! You're pulling my arms out ! 
Wal Don't let go ! 

Edi. I must ! Good-bye ! Come and see me. 
Wal. I will. I'll write to you ! 
All. No ! no ! No you won't ! 
Wal. Yes I will. Good-bye ! Miss Edith. 
Edi. Good-bye ! Don't forget me. 

[They are separated^ Edith being dragged away.^ 

Curtain. 



ACT III. 

Scene I. In the Fort. Ma^rion's house. 

Enter Maeion and Teacy. 

Mar. You're always in such a huriy, Winfred. I never 

can get a chance to speak to you. 
Tra. Me ? You know that's not so, Marion. I only 

stopped a few minutes this morning. I saw you 

sitting on the veranda there so I thought I'd give 

you back that memorandum book— 
Mar. Yes, I know. 
Tra. Wasn't that all right ? 

Mar. Oh, certainly. It was a very important matter. 
Tra. I thought so. I was just going over to see Helen 

a few minutes — 
Mar. Helen, humph ! 
Tra. Well ! why not ? 



31 

Mar. She's the nigger in the woodpile, is she ? 

Tra. No, she's not the nigger in the woodpile — or on- 

the fence, either. I'll venture to say, though, she's 

a very much disgusted young woman. There hasn't 

been a soul near them, except me — 
Mar, Well, it's her own fault. She would insist on 

coming inside here. 
Tra. No, that was your fault, Marion. You got them 

into trouble — 
Mar. Did I ? Very well. I'll just insist on your take- 

ing every body else's part, except mine. 
Tra. Now Marion — 

Mar. I'll make a memorandum of it here — 
Tra. So you won't forget it ? Also write down that 

you're in a very bad humor this morning — 
Mar. I'll do nothing of tlie kind. 

Tra. I had several things I wanted to say this morning — 
Mar. You needn't say them. 

Tra. I won't. I'll just go on over and see Helen^ 

Mar. No ! 

Tra. Well — I'll stay here, then. One of'em was, I got. 

my commission yesterday. 
Mar. You did ! 
Tra. Yes. 

Mar. What regiment ? 
Tra. Fourth Cavalry. 
Mar. Good ! good ! 
Tra. Good ? How can it be good, Marion, when you 

won't give me a chance — 
Mar. I will ! I will ! Just as soon as I see Lieut.. 

Lytton, the very first time, I'm going to give him 

back that ring. You see ? — I don't wear it. 
Tra. I see. You will promise me, then ? 
Mar. I will — sure. 
2'ra. I have so many things to tell you, Marion ; so 

much to talk about — all — all — our plans ? — 
Mar. Yes, *• our plans." Why not talk about them 

now ? 
Tra. No ; no — not until you're free. 
3far. It won't be long to wait, now. 



32 

Tra. Just improve your opportunities. That's all I ask 
of you now. Well, I'll sav 

Mar. Good-bye, Winfrecl. You're a dear, good fellow, 
so you are ! I don't care if I do say it myself. 

Tra. No, I don't deserve it. 

Mar. Yes you do, too — for being so patient. Tell the 
girls I'm coming over to see them this evening. 

Tra. Very well, I will. I'll see you, too — I guess. Good- 
morning. \Exit?^ 

Mar, I do believe he just worships me. So good about 
it, too. That's what I like. He don't force him- 
self on me, as he might. No, he's so modest about 
it, he won't really tell me how much he does love 
me. Well love's a funny tiling, anyway. I don't 
understand it. \Exit^ 

Scene II. A parlor in the GenVs house. 
Enter CiNDY. 

Cin. Sakes alive, I must hurry up an git dis yere room 
cleaned up a little. Miss Helen be 'spectin' com- 
pany, I reckon, an she give me fits she see it dis a 
way. Miss Helen — Miss Helen, she say, she say I 
ain't no good ! Humph ! Like to know how she 
'spects a person be workin' all th' time. \Pichs up 
a photograph^ I'se clean run dow^n, anyway, I'se^ 
workin' so hard. Look at — look atdifi'rence 'tween 
me — me an' that ere lady there. She nevah did no 
work. Why — why doesn't people — why doesn't 
people want my 'frotogiaph layin' 'roun' on der 
tables ? Case — case I works. Dat's de only reason. 
He, he, he ! \_Enter Helen. Cioidy starts to go.'] 

Hel. Here Cindy, where are you going ? 

Cin. Ain't goin' nowhere, Miss Helen. I'se — I jist been 
cleanin' up th' room some — 

Hel. Looks like it. Here, can't you do any better than 
this ? Let's see how lively you can dust around, 
now. 

Cin. Oh, I kin work. Miss Helen, when I tries. 

Hel. Let's see you try, now. Go on. Dust off the sofa. 



33 

Cin. Yes'em. 

Hel. And the chairs, and table, and mantle ; and sweep 

lip that litter there. 
Cin. Yes'em. Can't do it all to once, though. 
Hel. No, I suppose not. Whole day's work for you. 

[Bell rings.^ Never mind now. See who that is., 

Here, take your broom. 
Cin. [Aside.] Holy terror, she is. [^xit.~\ 
Hel. I suppose she does the best she knows how. Clock 

must have been slow, when she was born, though. 

[Busies herself arranging table^ etc., Enter Win- 
frecl Tracy.'] 
Tra. Good morning, Helen. 
Hel. Oh, it's you, is it ? 

Tra. Yes 

Hel. Well — I'm busy now. You needn't stop. 

Tra. No f 

Hel. Come around again, some other time. 

Tra. Thanks. [Takes a seat.] Busy ? 

mi Yes. 

Tra. Thought so. I'll wait until you get through. [A 

2:)ause.] Had a good time since you've been here ? 
Hel. No, I haven't. It's your fault, too. You said 

you'd bring Lieut. Lytton around, and introduce 

him ; and here I liaven't had a glimpse of him yet- 
Tra. Certainly ; that's true 

Re-enter Cindy. 
Cin. Miss Helen, 'nother ^emmen- 



Tra. Sh ! Clear out ! [Exit Cindy ^ Just give me a 
chance 

Hel. Just give me a chance ! Yes — here I've been wear- 
ing my best clothes, practicing my best manners, 
putting a bridle on my tongue, and trying to behave 
like a Christian generally 

Tra. That's right. 

Hel. Besides telling fibs without number, getting Edith 
into trouble, and both of us shut up here like 
prisoners, and I haven't got even a sight of him yet. 

Tra, Certainly not. Just wait until I 



34 

Hel. Trot him out Show him to me. Let me see his 

miiform 

Tra. Yes, yes, I will ! Just keep quiet a minute, and 

I'll go and get him. 
Hel. Winfred— come back. 
Tra. [^Returning.'] Is that you, Helen ? 
Hel. Yes, that's me. 
Tra.l thought so ; I thought it was you — my cousin^ 

Helen Oldcroft. Now I'm proud of you. Now I 

see she has some spirit in her. Now I know she's 

wor.hy to be a soldier's wife. Now I'll take a kiss^ 
Hel. No you won't, either. Go on away ! I hate yon. 
Tra. I thought you'd given up the game. Here's Lieut. 

Lytton — right here, on the veranda, all the time. 

[liaising his voice.] I shouldn't wonder if he'd 

heard every word you said, Helen. You speak so 

loud. 
Hel. He isn't there. 

Tra. Yes he is. I'll show you. [Bxit.~\ 
Hel. I wonder if he is. 1 don't care ; I won't believe- 

him. 

Re-e7iter Tracy and Lieut. Lytton. 

Tra. Helen — 

Hel. Oh no ! You can't fool me, Winfred ! 

Tra. Allow me to introduce my friend, Lieut. Lytton. 

Hel. How do you do, Captain ? 

Tra. Captain ? — I said Lieutenant, Helen. 

Hel. No 3^ou didn't. How's your wife, Captain ? — any 

better ? 
Tra. He's hasn't got any wife, Helen. 
Hel. Yes he has. Is she quite well now, Captain ? 
Tra. He's not a Captain, either. 
Hel. Yes he is. 
Tra. No he's not. 
Hel. I tell you he is. You said so yourself — didn't he,. 

Captain ? 
Lieut. I believe so — 
HeJ. There ! I told you so. You've got a wife too — 

haven't you. Captain ? 



35 

Lieut. Well — I don't know 

Hel. Yes you do. You said so yourself. 

Tra. How's this, Lytton ? 

Lieut. It's all right, Tracy. We understand each other. 

Tra. Oh I you do ? Well then I'm no use here. 

Hel. No, we'll excuse you. When I'm introduced to a 

man once, I know him after that. You can go, 

Winfred. 
Tra. Thanks. I'm very sorry indeed I made snch a mis- 
take. You'll overlook it, I hope ? 
Hel. Oh certainly. Don't mention it. 
Tra. Thank you. You're very kind indeed. \^Aside.^ 

Lookout, Lytton. She'll talk you to death, sure. 
Lieut. No she won't. 
Tra. Better be careful, now. You don't know her. 

[Exit.'] 
Hel. What did he say ? Something about me, I know. 

Don't matter, though. He can't teach me anything. 
Lieut. I'm afraid not. Miss Oldcroft — or I either. In 

fact, I think you've got the better of us both. 
Hel. How's that, Captain ? 
Lieut. Well — I'm sailing under false colors. You're 

not. 
Hel.Oh that don't matter. I know your true character. 
Lieiit. Do you ? Thank you. That lets me out. 

Allow me to introduce myself as Lieut. Lytton. 
Hel. Cei'tainly. I'm glad to meet you. 
Lieut. Now we're square. I had the advantage of you 

before. 
Hel. How was that, Mr. Lytton ? 
Lieut. Well, you see I became acquanted with you under 

a false name — 
Hel. Yes, but I knew who you were. 
Lieut. No, you only suspected. I had the advantage of 

you. I knew just who you were. 
Hel. Well — might I ask — 
Lieut. Certainly. I know what you mean. 
Hel. Oh, but no flattery now. 
Lieut. No, of course not. I never flatter. 
Hel. Oh Mr. Lytton ! Kecollect that morning on the 

wharf. 



36 

Lieut. Oh ! but that was Cap. Smith, you know. Now 
I'm Lieut. Lytton. 

Hel. Well — speaking seriously, Mr. Lytton, what is your 
opinion of me ? 

Lieut. I haven't had any reason to change it, Miss Old- 
croft. 

Hel. Now — if it's not good, I'm going to run away, 
same as I did before. 

Lieut. Well, I can't help it if you do. I must tell the 
truth, you know. 

Hel. Certainly ; I hope so. 

Lieut. It's not my fault, if you do. Speaking seriously, 
then, and truthfully, also, I must say, Miss Oldcroft, 
you're the most delightful girl I ever met. 

Hel. Good-bye. I'm going to tell your wife that. 

Lieut. Oh ! she won't mind it. 

Hel. Yes she will. You'd better think it over before I 
come back. 

Lieut. Thank you ; I will. I'm not likely to change 
my opinion, though. [^Exit Hel.] Nor am I 
either. She's as nice a girl as I'd ever want' to meet. 
If I was only rid of that other one, I'd know where 
I'd go. Miss Oldcroft is more to my taste. She's 
good looking, full of fun, bright and cheerful — 
what more could a man ask. Besides, I think she's 
— well I don't know as to that. I may flatter 
myself. I'm going to try, any way. No harm in 
that. [Picks up sheet of 7nusic.] I wonder if she 
plays, or sings. I must find out, when she comes 
back. 

Re-enter Helen. 

Hel. Well, Mr. Lytton— 

Lieut. No ; haven't changed my opinion. Miss Old- 
croft. 

Hel. Well — you're no good. I give you up as a bad 
case. 

Lieut. I think you'd better. I was just looking over 
this music here. Do you sing. Miss Oldcroft ? 

Hel. Not much. 



37 

Lieut. I suppose you mean quantity, not quality. You 
don't sing very often, but wlien you do sing 

Hel. Fts perfectly awful, of course. That's it, exactly. 
Speak out plain. 

Lieut. Oh, now, that's not fair, Miss Helen. It was 
you said that. 

Hel. Well — you meant it. 

Lieut. Indeed I didn t. Won't you give me a chance 
to judge ? This piece, for instance. 

Hel. That ? Oh, that's my favorite song. 

Lieut. Indeed! Strange; I'm very fond of that, my- 
self. 

Hel. You are ? Then you wouldn't be a fair judge. 
\^8eats herself at piano ^ 

Lieut. No ; I'm not a "fair" judge. But the culprit — 
she's very "fair." 

Hel. Well — perhaps you don't know how embarrassing 
that is, Mr. Lytton. 

Lieut. No, I confess my ignorance. Still, I'd like to 
hear you sing this song, Miss Helen, if you will.. 
l^She prepares to sing.] 

Re-enter Teacy. 

Tra. Hello here ; what's up ? 

Lieut. Listen. She's going to sing. 

Tk'a. She is ! Not if I know it. [Begins to make a 

noise.] Head her off, Lytton ! Don't let her get 

started. [^Si7igs.'\ '"Twas the last rose of summer 

left withering on its stem." 
Hel. You needn't trouble yourself, Winfred. I wouldn't 

sing before you. 
Tra. I hope not. I don't want to die yet a while. 
Hel. You're very polite. 
Tra. Thank you. Had a narrow escape, then, Lytton. 

Where's Miss Edith? 
Hel. She's upstairs. 

Tra. I've got soniethins: here for her. [^Shows letter.] 
Hel. What is it ? 
Tra. Never mind. 
Hel. I'll give it to her. , 



38 

Tra. No you won't. I'll give it to her myself. 

Hel. I'll go and tell her, then. Excuse me a moment^ 
Mr. Lytton. 

Lieut. Certainly. \Exit Helen.l What is it ? 

Tra. Letter — from me. 

Lieut. From you ? 

Tra. Yes. I've signed Walter Lytton's name to it^ 
though. I'm going to meet her this evening, out in 
the arbor here behind the house. I'll put on my 
new uniform — first time I've worn it, see — and 
make her believe I'm you — Lieut. Lytton. 

Lieut. I? Lieut. Lytton. 

Tra. Yes, She won't know the difference. Tell her 
she made a mistake in the letter — got the wrong 
name to it. 

Lieut, Perhaps she won't believe it. 

Tra. Yes, she will. You don't mind it, will you ? 
Just for the fun of the thing. 

Lieut. No, I don't care. 

Tra. Grot nothing else to do. Might as well have some 
fun. 

Re-enter Hel. and Edith. 

Tra, Good morning, Miss Edith. Here's a letter for 
you. 

Edi. For me ? 

Tra. Yes. \Aside.'\ From Mr. Lytton. 

Edi. Oh! 

Tra. Understand ? 

Edi. Yes. Don't tell Helen. 

Tra. Oh — not much ! Don't you be afraid of that. 
She'll never know it. Lytton — er — I mean — Major 
Whitehouse, er — let me introduce you to Miss Ash- 
ton. 

Lieut. Miss Ashton. \^Aside7\ Major — promoted ! 

Tra. He's the Adjutant, you know. Has charge of 
everything about the Fort here ! 

Edi. He has ? I didn't know that. 

Tra. Yes. In fact, he superintends almost the ' whole 
army. 



39 

^di. Does he ? He must be a Major- General, then. 

Tra. Major-General ! That's it, exactly. I'd forgotten 
to mention that. 

Lieut. [Aside,^ You'll have me President next. 

Tra. [AsideJ] Never mind. Don't cost you anything. 

Hel. Why don't you read your letter, Cricket ? 

Edi. Oh — no hurry. 

Jlel. Might as well. 

JEdi. Eh — is there going to be — dress parade this after- 
noon, Major ? 

Lieut. No ; not this afternoon. To-morrow. ' 

Hel. It might be important, Edith. 

Edi. It's of no consequence. 

Mel. No? 

Edi. Mosquitoes are dreadful here. 

Lieut. Yes, they are bad. 

Hel. Perhaps he wants an answer. 

Edi. Well, then, I'll just read it — to satisfy you. You 
seem to know all about it. [^Moves to a sofa atone 
side. Helen follows.^ No, you needn't come. 

Hel. Oh ; very well, then. [^Exit^ mysteriously.'] 

Edi. Excuse me, gentlemen. 

Lieut. Certainly. Very interesting, no doubt. 

Edi. No ; just a little business matter, I guess. 

Tra. I shouldn't think you'd mind letting Helen read 
it, then. 

Re-enter Helen behind Edith and reads over her 

shoulder. 

Edi. No, I wouldn't. 

Hel Oh, Edith ! 

Edi Helen ! I wish you wouldn't bother me so. Go 

away ! [Exit.] 
Hel Ha, ha, ha! Now she's mad. [Exit.] 
Tra. Humph ! She pesters the life out of that girl. 
Lieut. Why couldn't I write her a letter, too. 
Tra. Do ! that's it ! Sign your own name, and I'll give 

it to Helen, so she can substitute it for this one. 

Then she'll be more mystified than ever, when she 

comes to read it. 



40 

Lieut. Of course. Lieut. Lytfcon instead of Walter 

Lytton. 
Tra. That's it. Good idea. Come in the library here. 

[^Exeunt.l^ 

Re-enter Helen and Edith with letter. 

Edi. I don't know, Helen. What would you do ? 

Hel. I'd go, of course. Why not ? He only wants to 
have a little chat with you all alone. 

Edi. Yes, I know. {Reading^ "Would you be kind 
enough to meet me this evening in the little arbor 
facing the parade ground ? I'Jl be passing that way 
about half -past eight." 

Eel. Of course. And you'll be sitting there, sort of 
careless like, looking up at the stars. That's all 
there's about it. 

Edi. I'm afraid I won't know how to behave. 

Hel. Won't know how to behave ! Humph ! You make 
me laugh, Cricket. You won't have to " behave " 
at all. He'll do all the ^'behaving." Trust him 
for that. He's a nice young man, and you're a 
little sinner. You'll never get to heaven if you dis- 
appoint him. 

Edi. Yes, I'll go. 

Hel. I thought you would. Put on that white dress of 
yours and my lace shawl, and you'll look just like 
an angel dropped down from the skies. 

Edi. Think so ? The folks at home 

Hel. Oh well, they're a thousand miles away. They 
won't know anything about it. Besides when 
you're in Rome you must do as the Romans do, or 
else you'll get left. 

Edi. Seems to me you're getting left, ain't you, Helen ? 
I^hought you were going to have so many beaux ! 

Hel. Now never you mind me. You go and get ready. 
That's all you've got to do. 

Edi. I've got one, anyhow. You haven't got ^\r^.\Exit.'\ 

Hel. Guess she's about right, unless I can hook that 
Lieutenant. Wonder where he disappeared so 
quick. I didn't have half a chance to talk to him. 



41 

Re-enter Tracy. 

Tra. Helen— 

Hcl. Oh — where did you two go this morning ? 
Tra. N"owhere. Lieutenant Lytton had to leave about 
his duties. Here's a letter — 

Hel For me ? 

Tra. No ; it's for Miss Edith. He's made an engage- 
ment with her, too. 

Hel. Lieutenant Lytton ! 

Tra. Yes. Thinks he's going to meet her ; but he 
won't. 

Hel. Why ? 

Tra. Because she won't be there. Somebody else will, 

Hel. Who ? 

Tra. Miss White. 

Hel Miss White ! 

Tra. Yes. She's coming over to see you to-night. You 
must have her out there in the garden ; let her see 
what's going on. I'll be there, you know, with 
Edith. 

Hel You ! 

Tra. Yes, me. I wrote the letter. Don't you see ? 

Hel The one Edith's got ? 

Tra. Yes. 

Hel Winfred, you're a genius. 

Tra. Helen, you're another. Have Marion out there 
this evening ; let her take Edith's place, after she 
goes in, and then the Lieutenant will come along. 

Hel Be very much surprised, won't he ? 

Tra. Very much, indeed — to find Miss White there in- 
stead of Miss Ashton. Think it will work ? 

Hel I think so. 

Tra. If she don't give him back that ring and break off 
the engagement, then I don't know anything. 

Hel. You can take Miss White there, and I'll take the 
Lieutenant. 

Tra. That's it, exactly. Isn't that satisfactory. 

Hel. Perfectly. 

Tra. That settles it, then. I must go and get ready. 
I'm going to wear my new uniform. 



42 

Hel. So Miss White '11 think you're Lieutenant Lytton. 

Tra. That's the idea. Don't get too close, though. She 
might recognize me. 

Hel How about Edith } 

Tra. Oh, she won't know me. I can deceive her easy 
enough. That's the reason I didn't introduce Lieu- 
tenant Lytton by his right name this morning. 

Hel. I see — so she won't know the difference. 

Tra. That's it. \Exeunt. Hell rings within.~\ 

Enter Marion and Cindy. 

Cin. Jist have a seat, Miss White. I'll tell Miss 

Helen. 
Mar. No hurry, tell her ; if she's dressing. 
Cin. Yes 'em. \Exit. Marion moves about a 7noment, 

removing her gloves, etc., or sits down and plays or 

sings.'] 

Re-enter Helen. 

Hel. Well — you old fraud ! 

Mar, Hello, Helen, dear, how goes it ? 

Hel. Oh, it's awful dull. I'm near dead. 

Mar. So? 

Hel. Nothing to do. 

Mar. I'm sorry. I thought I'd come over and liven you 

up some. 
Hel. You're a dear, good girl. Oh — I forgot. Here's 

something interesting. Oast your eyes over that. 

\^Shows Lieutenants letter.] 
Mar. Oh ho ! 
Hel. Interesting, isn't it ? 
Mar. Very. Where did you get it ? 
HeJ. Edith's room. Left it on the bureau. 
Mar. [Reading.] "After roll call I have a few minutes 

to spare." I'd like to spare him a few minutes. 
Hel. Why can't we ? Let's take a stroll out thereabout 

that time— will you ? 
Mar. See what goes on ? 
Hel. Yes. Edith's green as grass. She thinks he's in 

love with her. 



43 

Ma7\ Ha, ha. I don't care. 

Hel. Will you go ? 

Mar. Yes, I'll go. I'd just as lief he'd see me, 

Hel. It's all on Winfred's account, you know. If you'd 
only give him half a chance 

Mar. Oh, I know that. 

Hel. He's going away next week, you know. 

Mar. Yes ; time's short, isn't it ? 

Hel. Very. You'd better hurry up. 

Mar. I can't get a chance to see him — Lieut. Lytton. 
He keeps away from me. 

Hel. Walk right up and talk to him to-night. Don't 
mind Edith. 

Mar. I have a mind to. It's a shame, the way he treats 
me. 

Hel. Course it is. I don't see how you could endure the 
man. I know I couldn't. 

Mar. You'll be my cousin, then — won't you, Helen ? 

Hel. Won't I though ! I'll be so proud of you, Marion. 

Mar. I think Lieutenant Lytton might suityou, Helen. 
Don't you think so ? 

Hel. Me ! I wouldn't look at the man. 

Mar. Sh ! Who's that ? 

Hel. It's Edith. Hide, quick ! [They sepai'ate qidchly, 
as if to hide. At that 7no7nent enter Edith. They 
sto}) suddenly^ and remain immovaUe. Edith passes 
ietween them, without appearing to notice them, 
their faces deing averted from her. Stage is dar- 
henecl.'] , 

Edi. They say love's blind. I guess that's what must 
be the matter with me. I can't see what I did 
with that letter. [Searches the mantel, Helen 
turns her face cautiously tovxvrds Edith, and stamps 
her foot.'\ 'Tisn't there. Might be on the sofa. 
[Helen stamps.^ No ; it's not there. [Searches 
table. Helen stamps again,'] Nor on the table, 
either. Oh, there it is— on the floor. I wonder 
how I dropped it there. [Picks up Lieutenanfs 
letter, which Marion had accidently dropped.] 
Humi^h ! I guess love is both deaf, dumb and 



44 

blind, sometimes — to make such mistakes. Now I 
must hurry up. He'll be waiting for me. [Moit. 
Helen and Marion turn to each other^ clasp hands 
and exeunt, mischievously.^ 

Curtain. 



ACT ly. 



Scene : A Summer Garden. An Arhor therein. 

Moonlight. 

B)%ier Edith. 

Edi. My folks at home would say this was awful 
wicked — skylarking around this way at night. I 
suppose it is, too ; but my little heart's all in a 
flutter. I'm sure of that. I'll just sit down here, 
and be looking up at the stars. That's it ; no harm 
in that, anyway — studying astronomy. If Mr. 
Lytton comes passing by, I can't help it. Not my 
fault. 

Fmter Helen and Maeion. 

Hel. There she is — in the arbor there. Don't make a 

noise now ; she might hear us. 
Mar. Can we see from here ? 
Hel. Yes, plain enough. Don't get any closer. They 

might see us. 
Mar. VVe can't hear what they say. 
Heh Don't matter. We can see ; that's enough. 
Mar. I'd like to hear what they talk about. 
Hel. Never mind ; you'll spoil it all ! Hush ! Here 

he comes now. 

Entevm Tracy, hi fatigue uniform. 
Tra. [In a loud tuhisper.\ Is that you, Miss Ash ton ? 



45 

Udi. Yes, it's I, Mr. Lytton. 

Tra. I thought so. Thought I'd make sure, though. 

[Comes closer.^ 
Edi. {Rising, as if to go.] Excuse me, sir — I — I don't 

know you ! — 
Ti'a. Don't know me ! — Lieut. Lytton ? 

BdL Lieut. Lytton ? — I — I didn't know it was you 

Tra. Didn't know it was me ! 

Bdi. No ; I expected Mr. Lytton — Walter Lytton. 

Tra. That's strange ! I certainly wrote the letter, Miss 

Ash ton. You received it ? 
Edi. Yes. 
Ti^a. You must have mistaken the signature. Look at 

it again; you'll see that my name's to it. 
Edi. Perhaps it is. 
Tra. It certainly is. Well! that's strange. I'm sorry 

to disappoint you. 
Edi. Oh — that don't matter. 
Tra. You see — sit down, Miss Ashton, Don't be afraid. 

I won't harm you. 
Edi. Oh, I hope not. [Sits doiun. He seats himself by 

her side^ familiarly.] 
Eel. [Aside.] You see that ! 
Tra. You see, I've heard so much about you Miss Aslf- 

ton, I just thought I'd send you that little note. 

I'm very busy, you know; can't get off to call on 

the ladies whenever I want to. Have to take them 

on the fly, so to speak. 
Edi. On the fly ? 

Tra. Yes — flying about from one place to another. 
Edi. Oh — I see. [Aside.] Funny kind of a way, 

though. 
Tra. That's satisfactory, isn't it ? I know you'll excuse 

me. 
Edi. Oh, certainly. 
Tra. In fact, I think we're pretty good friends already 

— don't you. Miss Edith ? [Sits up closer to her.] 
Edi. Yes — but still — Lieutenant — 
Tra. What ? Don't you think we are ? 
Edi. Yes; but we haven't been acquainted very long. 



46 

Tra. No, that's a fact. Still, you won't mind that. It's 
the custom here among the officers, you know. 

Edi. What is ? 

Tra. To get acquainted quick. They have to. 

Edi. Do they ? 

Tra. Yes — haven't got much time to spare. They have 
to rush things through, you understand. Can't 
take a whole week to get acquainted. Now you see 
it's just the same as if we'd been acquainted for 
months — isn't it ? [Puts his arm aroimd her.] 

Mar. [Aside.] Look at that, will you! 

If el. I see. 

Udi. Oh, but, Lieutenant — I — 

Tra. What? 

JEJdi. I — I hardly think we're well enough acquainted 
for that. 

Tra. Oh yes; I think we are. You won't mind it, I 
know. It's the custom here. 

Bdi. Is it ? 

Tra. Yes. Every body does it. 

Edi. Do they ? I didn't know that. 

Tra. Saves time, you know. 

UdL Well, I suppose if every body does it, it must be all 

right, then. 
Tra. Oh, certainly. I wouldn't deceive you, Miss 
Edith. 

Udi. No^ Still — it seems strange, though. 
Tra. Yes, I suppose it does— to one not accustomed to 
it. [Bugle sounds.] Oh my ! there goes the bugle . 
I must go to the roll-call now. Good night, love. 
[Kisses her.] Meet me here again to-morrow night. 
Eemember, I love you, Edith, [^ic^#.] 

Mar. He's gone to roll-call. 

Hel. He'll be back, though. 
Mar. No ; she's going in, too. 

Hel. Yes. Keep quiet! 

Edi. My goodness! that was sudden. Yes it was — 
dreadful sudden. But it was awful nice. Must be 
what they call love at first sight. That's just what 
it was. But then he said it was the custom — every- 



47 

}3ody did it. No ! it's no such thing. They needn't 

tell me that. I know better. They ]nst can't help- 
it — that's the reason. [Exit.] 
Hel. Don't go in yeL 
Mar. Why ? 
HeL Because, he might return. Let's sit down there 

and wait. \_Seat themselves in arbor.] 
Mar. You think "he will ? 
Hel. I don't know — I think I heard him say so — after 

roll-call. 
Mar. I wish he would. 
Hel. Why ? — would you wait for him ? 
Mar. Yes, I'd wait for him ! 
Hel. Would you, Marion ! Really ? 
Mar. Yes. 
Hel. Oh ! — you don't know how good it makes me feel^ 

Marion — to think of that poor boy. He's going to 

have a wife at last. 
Mar. Yes, I'll be your cousin, then, — won't I Helen ? 
Hel. Won't you, though ! I'll be so proud of you, 

Marion — on Winfred's account, you know. 
Mar. Yes — look ! who's that coming ? 
Hel. Lieut. Lytton, I believe. I'll get out your way. 

You sit still here and wait. 
Mar. No, I don't — 
Hel. Yes you will now. You said you would. Oh I 

Sh ! there he is ! [Retires.] 

Enter Lieut. Lytton. 

Lieut', Good evening. Miss Ashton. 

Mar. Good evening. 

Lieut. You got my letter, then ? 

Mar. Oh, yes; I received it. 

Lieut. [Recognizes Marion,] Er — Miss — Marion ! I — 

I — er — [Retreating.] 
Mar. No ! Comeback here! Mr. Lytton, I know you. 
Lieut. Well — I — I — excuse me — 
Mar. No, I won't excuse you! Come back here. I 

want to talk to you. 
Lieut. I-I-didn't expect to see you — 



48 

Mar. No ; I know you didn't. I saw you — you and 

Miss Ash ton here — making love to each other. 
Lieut. Me! 
Mar. Yes, you. 

Lieut. Miss White, you're mistaken. I just this mo- 
ment came. 
Mar. Oh, Mr. Lytton ! I saw you with my own eyes ; 

Miss Oldcroft and I — walking in the garden here. 
Lieut. No ; you're mistaken. It was somebody else — 

Mr. Tracy — 
Mar. You wrote the note to her ? 
Lieut. Yes — just in fun. 
Mar. You expected to meet her ? 
Lieut. Yes. 
Mar. That's enough, Mr. Lytton. It's just the same as 

if you had. Here's the ring you gave me. 
Lieut. You don't mean that I 
Mar. Yes, I mean it. 
Lieut. That's very sudden, Marion. I didn'^t suppose 

you'd take offense at a little thing like that-. 
Mar. It's not that, Mr. Lytton. It's the way you've 

been treating me lately. Do you suppose I want to 

be treated that way? — if I'm engaged to you ? 
Lieut. How ? 

Mar. How ! You haven't been near me for a week. 
Lieut. Been very busy lately — 
Mar. Yes — not so busy though but what you could find 

plenty of time for other people. 
Lieut. How about — 
Mar. Every body, except me. 
Lieut. How about you and Mr. Tracy ? 
Mar. Well — what could you expect ? If you keep away 

from me, I must see somebody. 
Lieut, Oh ! I guess we're about even then. 
Mar. Yes ; call it even. It's no use talking any more 

about it, Mr. Lytton. Our engagement's broken. 

You're free now. You can go and get Miss Ash ton 

or anybody else you want. — 
Lieut. Yes ? 
Mar. I don't want to be heartless. I'm not unkind.. 



49 

But then we made a mistake in the first place ; now 

it's best to be frank and honest about it. We're 

not suited to each other, in the least. 
Lieut. No. Is this your final answer, then ? 
Mar. Yes. 

Lieut. I hope we're friends. 
Ma7\ Certainly. 
Lieut. I'll not express my feelings on the subject, 

Marion — 
Mar. No, I'd rather you wouldn't, Mr. Lytton. It 

would only be painful to both of us. Good night. 
Lieut. Good night. You'll find, though, when you 

come to think it over, it's quite as much your fault 

as mine. 
Mar, Perhaps so. Good night. [Exit Lieut.'] It may 

be so. Don't alter the facts, though. 
Hel. How is it, Marion ? 
Mar. All over. 

-ffe^. What! Let's see ? [^Examines her hand.] 
Mar. I gave it back to him. 
Hel. You did ! What did he say ? 
Mar. Oh — not much. I felt sorry for him, though. 
Hel. Why ? 
Mar. Because — he didn't mean any harm. He's a good 

enough fellow. 
Hel. Yes — but not for you. 
Mar. Well — it's all over with nov/. I didn't mean to 

be quite so sudden. — 
Hel. Surprised him, didn't it ? 
Mar. Yes. — 

Hel. Perhaps he was even glad. 
Mar. I don't know. Perhaps he was. 
Hel. The hard hearted wretch ! Wait till I get a 

chance to talk to him. I'll give it to him — on 

Edith's account, you understand. 
Mar. Might put in a good word or two on your own 

account, Helen. 
Hel. No, none for me. It's only others that I'm inter- 
ested in. 
Mar. You're so unselfish, Helen. ' \ I'll always know 

where to go to get good advice. 



- 50 

Hel. I'll be a sister to you. Let's go in now. You^I 
stay with me to-night, Marion. We'll talk it all 
over. 

Mar. If only Winfred knew. Don't tell him though. 
I must tell him that , myself. 

Hel. Oh, certainly. \Exeunt?[ 

Re-enter Tkacy. 

Tra. I don't know, but I think she did. I must see 

Helen first. Said she'd meet me here. 
Hel. [Within.] Winfred! 
Tra. Here, Helen, here I am. 

Re-enter Helen. 

Hel. What do you think ? 
Tra. Did she ? 

Hel Yes. 

Tra. Sure ? 

Hel. No doubt about it. 

T¥a. Helen, you're an angel ! — she is, I mean. Don'^t 
talk to me now. Let me alone. I must walk 
around until I get tired. Too much happiness for 
one man. 

Hel. Lost your head ? 

Tra. No. Where is she ? I must go and tell her. 

hel. Tell her what ? 

Tra. Ask her, I mean ; ask her when she'll name the 
day. 

Hel. You're rushing things, ain't you ? 

Tra. Let me hug you, Helen ? 

Hel. Certainly ; go on. 

Tra. No ; can't do that. Save it up for her ! Haven't 
got any to waste now. 

Hel. Might waste a few thanks on me, I think. 

Tra. I do, Helen. I do thank you. What's more, I 
can tell you what Lieut. Lytton thinks of you, too. 

Hel. Can you ! What ? 

:7Va. Everything. Thinks you're perfect. Most orig- 
inal, attractive, entertaining girl he ever knew. 



51 

Hel. Is that so ! 

Tra. Yes. It's all plain sailing for you now. 

Hel. Then I'm going to sail in. 

Tra. That's it ; you'll win. 

Hel. He deserves better treatment than he got from Miss 
White. She didn't appreciate him. [^Re-enter 
Marion.'] 

Mar. Didn't she ? 

Hel No, she didn't. 

Mar. So that's your little game. 

Hel. Yes, it is. 

Mar. Come away from her Winfred. Don't have any- 
thing more to do with her. She's the most deceit- 
ful, wicked woman I ever knew. [^Tahes him hy 
the arm.] 

Heh l^Grasping his other arm.] You shan't have him, 
you shan't ! I'd marry him myself first ! — in his 
nice new uniform, I would. 

Mar. You wouldn't have her, would you, Winfred ? 

Hel. Don't speak to me. Go on away ! 

Mar. I'm not talking to you, Miss. I'm speaking to 
Winfred. 

Hel. Well, can't you see he don't take any notice of 
you. I declare you're the most pertinacious thing 
I ever did see. 

Mar. You're another — only worse. 

Hel. Turn around, Winfred. Let me look at you. \He 
walks apart a few steps^ Oh, you look too nice for 
any use ! Such a pity! — to throw it away on that 
girl. 

Mar. Yes! [^Takes his arm and walks off tvith him.] 

Ha, ha ! Good bye, Helen. Good bye ! 
Tra. Take care of yourself, Helen. 

Mar. Poor old maid ! Nobody wants her. 

Hel. They don't, hey ? You'll see. [Hxit Marion and 
Tracy. Calling after them.] 1 hate you both. 
Have the last word, anyhow. I'm left ! I'm afraid 
I am — for the present. Never mind though ; — my 
turn will come next. She needn't carry her head 
so high. [ Re-enter Edith.] 

Edi. Helen, you can just keep away from my room to- 



52 

night I won't let you in. You can sleep on the 
floor, if you want. You won't sleep with me. 

Hel. Why, Edith ? 

Edi. Yes, I know. You needn't make any excuses. 
I'm going back to uncle in the morning. I'm not 
going to stay here with you any longer. [Exif.] 

Hel. Left again. Well, I don't care. This is good 
enough place for me. [Reclines on be7ich.^ 

Enter Cindy. 

Cin. Miss Helen, Gen'l say, he says, — 

JBel. Well, what's he say ? 

Cin. Says, he says if you don't come in the house pretty 
soon — 

Hel No he didn't ! 

Cin. Yes he did. I — I — declare, Miss Helen — 

ffel. Gro away ! Clear out ! 

Cin. Miss Helen, I — I — I — 'ain't foolin'. — 

Hel. Go 'way, I tell you. I'm coming. 

Ci7i. Got 'em again. [Exit.] 

Hel. I'd like to know what's the matter with everybody 
to-night. They're all after me — trying to mak e 
themselves disagreeable. I'd like to know what I've 
done. Haven't done anything. [Re-entety sud- 
denly, at different places^ Tracy, Marion.^ Edith and 
Cindy, and stand with averted faces, pointing one hand 
at Helen. She does not appear to notice them j but 
acts likt one in a trance^ Am I an outcast ? — a 
being set apart for scorn to point his slow, unmoving 
finger at? No ; I am only dreaming. If I were an 
actress, now, or a love-sick girl, like Juliet, — Eomeo 
twenty miles away — I'd fall a-weeping, curse my 
sad, unhappy lot,— or growing desperate, snatch a 
hair-pin, thus and kill myself! [Fails to the floor. 
Curtain. Curtain rises, and discloses the Lieutenant in 
the act of raising Helen up ; the others standing with 
their backs to the audience, heads bowed down, etc, as 
if unwilling to see Helenas triumph. Tableau. 

Curtain, 



A C T y. 

Scene I. The Hotel ; a hallway. 
Enter Col. Oldcuoft. 

Col. Hurry up, Martha; Pin in a hurry this morning. 
— Yes. — Kight after breakfast. — Nothing in partic- 
. ular. I'm only going inside to see the General. 
He wants to show me some new powder magazines. 
— Well, you can go if you want to. — No, you'd bet- 
ter take it yourself. I don't want to be bothered 
with it. — I can't help it, if they do. It's not my 
fault. — Are you coming ? 

Mrs. 0. [F^^Y/^^Vi.] Yes, yes. Go on ; I'll be there 
directly. 

Col. Slowest woman I ever saw. 

Enter Edith. 

Edi. Good morning, uncle. 

Col. Why, Edith ! How did you get here so early ? 

Edi. I ran away, uncle. 

Col. What! 

Edi. I'm not going to stay in there any longer — not 
with Helen. 

Col. What's the matter now ? 

Edi. She's all the time following around after me I 
can't go anywhere, or do anything, without she 
must have something to say about it. [Enter Mrs. 
0.] Good morning, auntie. 

Mr^. 0. What's she been doing, Edith ? 

Edi. She thinks she knows everything, and I don't 
know anything. Consequently, when — when any 
of the gentlemen come around, she must know 
everything — what they say and do, and all that ; — 
as if I couldn't take care of myself. I wish she'd 
'tend to her own business. 



54 

Col. Of course. 

Edi. She's all the time making fun of me, too. 

Col. She is ? Well now, I'd like to see about that. 

Mrs. 0. What's she been doing ? 

Edi. Well, if I get a letter from anyone — Mr. Lytton, 
for instance — it's all very well — I'm perfectly wil- 
ling to tell her all about it 

Col. To be sure ; of course you are. 

JEdi. But then she needn't think I'm obliged to. I 
know v/hat I'm doing. Mr. Lytton wanted to see 
me alone I suppose, so I was sitting out there in the 
summer-house — last night it was — then an ofl&cer 
comes up and introduced himself — said he was 
Lieut. Lytton, that he'd written the note to me — 
not Mr. Lytton, as I'd supposed — so — well, I didn't 
know what to do. 

Col. No — neither would I. 

Edi. Nice fix to be in. The old crank ! I know she 
had something to do with it — because, when I 
looked at the letter next time, sure enough, it was 
Lieut. Lytton's. 

Mrs. 0. Did he write it ? 

Edi. I don't know. I don't know anything about it; — 
don't know anything. 

Col. Rather a curious state of affairs. 

Enter Tracy and Walter Lytton. 

Tra. Here she is ! Good morning. Madam. Good 
morning, Colonel. " Good night, love. Meet me 
here again to-morrow night." 

Edi. Oh ! it was you, was it ! 

Tra. " Remember, I love you, Edith." 

Edi. You wicked man, you ! Did you write that note ? 

Tra. No. I didn't write anything! 

Wal. Come over here, Edith. I'll tell you all about it. 
[They go aside.] 

Col. How's this, Winfred ? You had a hand in this ? 

Wi7i. I'm afraid I have. Colonel. 

Col. I'm disappointed in you, Winfred. I thought you 
were going to be a soldier — too busy for such non- 
sense. These girls will ruin you, yet. 



55 

Tra. They will ! You haven't heard the news, then ? 

Col, No. 

Tra. I'm already ruined. 

Col. What ? 

Tra. Engaged to one of 'em — Miss White. 

Col. You don't say so ! Let me 

Tra. No, no ! Not from you. You don't believe in 

such things. 
Mrs. 0. Allow me to congratulate you, Winfred. 
Tra. Certainly, Mrs. Oldcrof t — with pleasure. 
Mrs. 0. She's the best one of the lot. I admire your 

choice. 
Col. So do I. Let's give 'em] a supper, Martha — to- 
morrow night ? 
Mrs. 0. No, that's too soon. 
Col. Well, Friday night, then ; or Saturday ! Come 

and take breakfast with us, Winfred. We'll talk it 

over there. I'm getting hungry. 
Mrs. 0. Come Edith — you and Mr. Lytton. 
Col. Yes — you're to stay with us now, Edith. We'll 

leave that " old crank " where she is — in the Fort 

there. 
Tra. But " don't forget to meet me here again to-mor- 

row night, love." 
Edi. You horrid thing! 
Tra. " Kemember, I love you, Edith." 
Edi. I could kill you ! [^Exeunt^ 

Scene II. The same; Col. Oldcroft's apartments. 

Enter Helen and Lieut. Lytton. 

Lieid. So you think you'd like the army ? 

Hel Oh, I'm sure I would, Mr. Lytton. 

Lieut. I've no doubt of it, Miss Helen, from the way 
you speak. What a pity you don't belong. 

Hel. Well — that's not my fault. 

Lieut. No ? You're only waiting for a favorable op- 
portunity to enlist ? 

Hel. That's it. There's nothing mean about me. I'm 
willing to serve my country. 



56 

Lieut. You are ? Well, I'm sure you're very self- 
sacrificiDg, Miss Helen. Now, if you could only 
find the proper recruiting officer. 

Hel. That's it. That's what I'm looking for. 

Lieut. Indeed. Well — T — I — ha-ha-ha 

Hel. It seems to amuse you. 

Lieut. It does, indeed. I — I was just thinking — that — 

Hel What ? 

Lieut. You know you'd have to pass an examination. 

LLel. Yes, I think I could do that. 

Lieut. Only there's this difference — a very important 
difference, too. When a soldier joins the army, he 
lias to pass the examination — recruiting-officer ex- 
amines him. When you join, it's just the other 
way — it's the officer that has to pass. 

Hel. Well, if he came up for examination often enough 
— very often, in fact ; seems very anxious to pass, 
I think I could pass him. 

Lieut. You think so ? Well — I — I — ha, ha, ha — excuse 
me, Miss Helen. 

Hel. What are you laughing at ? 

Lieut. Nothing. It just occurred to me that such per- 
fect frankness on your part is very encouraging, to 
say the least. Now, if I only thought there was the 
least chance of passing that examination, I — I 
assure you I'd undertake it. 

Hel. Well, as to that, Mr. Lytton, I — I can say nothing 
beforehand. Only, I would advise you not to be 
discouraged. I'm only a woman, you know. 

Lieut. Yes, I'm thankful for that. Such a very charm- 
ing one, too. [Enter, at door, Tracy and Marion^ 
imobserved.] 

Hel. Now ! recollect. 

Lieut. Excuse me this time, Miss Helen. 

Hel. You're up for examination now, you know. 

Lieut. Yes, I won't doit any more. But tiiere, there's 
this that worries me. You know what a miserable 
failure I've just made, in that line. 

Hel. Miss White ! Oh, we're not all so bad as she is, 
Mr. Lytton ! Don't think that of me. 



57 

Lieut. No, I'm sure you're not. 

Hel. S lie's the worst case I ever saw ! She's dreadful ! 

Lieut. You think so ? 

Hel. Oh, I know it. No wonder you didn't get along 
with her. Nobody could. 

Lieut. I understand she's engaged to your cousin now. 

Hel. Yes. I pity him ! I do, indeed. \MaTion mid 
Tracy exchange glances, etc. and Exeunt, affection- 
ately!] 

Lieut. Wei], if you pity him, then you must blame me — 

Hel. No, no ! I don't blame you a bit. 

Lieut. You don't ? 

Hel. No ; such a flirt as she is. 

Lieut. A flirt ? 

Hel. Yes ; worst kind. 

Lieut. I thought she was a right nice girl once — before 
I met you. 

Hel. Well— 

Lieut. But then I'm a poor judge of female character. 

Eel. Oh — thank you, Mr. Lytton. 

Lieut. I mean — oh, I beg your pardon, Miss Helen — I 
mean — before I met you I was. 

Eel. But now ? 

Lieut. Now, I know better. I shall always ask your 
opinion after this. 

Eel. Good. Let's go out on the veranda. I think you 
need a change of air. 

Lieut. Certainly. Because I shall never ask your opin- 
ion of any other girl except yourself — 

Eel. Oh ; to be sure. 

Lieut. So I'm always glad to be alone with you — see ? 

Eel. Mr. Lytton, you're incurable. I shall have to take 
charge of you. 

Lieut. Granted. Here I am— right here. Do what you 
will with me. \Exennt.] 

Re-enter Marion and Tracy. 

Mar. She pities you ! What a pity ! 
Tra. Oh, never mind her, She don't know what she's 
talking about. She's after that Lieutenant now. 



58 

Yon sit down here. [Places a chair.] I want to 

talk to you about that visit. [Goes for another,] 
Mar. Here — here's room, enough. [Makes room for 

him on the same chair.] 
Tra. Think so? 

Mar. Why of course there is. How can you ask ! 
Tra. I don't know about that. [Sits down.] 
Mar. There — isn't that comfortable ? 
Tra. Yes, that's comfortable enough. My folks will be 

so glad to see you, Marion. Of cotirse I've written 

to them all about you ; but then that's not like 

seeing you, face to face. 
Mar. No, indeed. 
Tra. Am I sitting close enough ? 
Mar. No ; not quite. 
Tra. How's that? 
Mar. That's better. Still I think you might sit a little 

closer yet, 
Tra. Well, I don't see how I'm going to do it, Marion ; 

— unless I draw you closer to me. [Embracing 

her.] 
Mar. That's it. Do it again. 

Enter CoL. Oldcroft. 

Tra. No ; once is enough. 

Mar. Yes ! 

Tra. No. We must practice some little self denial, 

dear. I want to talk to you now. 
Mar. Oh bother talk ! I don't feel like talking this 

evening. 
Tra, Well, just this once. 

Col. Here, young man ! That's enough of that. 
Tra. Colonel ! You're a nuisance. [Rises,] 
Col. That's so. What are you doing ? 
Tra. Nothing ;— just sitting here, talking to Marion. 
Col. I see — well, you clear out, and let me talk to her a 

while, I want to tell her about my plans. 

Tra. Your plans ! What does she care about your 

plans ? 
Col. Well — nothing, perhaps 



59 

Tra. That's been the way ever since we've been engaged^ 
Every body seems to think she's public property 
now. 

Col. Yes, that's one of the disadvantages. 

Tra. I don't see anything of her now. I suppose when 
we get married, you'll all want to take charge of 
her entirely then. 

Col. Oh yes. You won't be any body then. 

Tra. Well I'm going to kick against that. I've got 
some rights- 

Col. Sh ! now ; you clear out. I'll sit down on you. 

Mar. Go on, Colonel. What have you got to say ? 
Age before beauty, Winfred. 

T\'a. All right. I'll make up for it some other time. 
[Exit.'] 

Col. Marion, I'm getting up a little reception for you 
this evening — you and Winfred ; but then I under- 
stand you girls don't speak to each other. How's 
that — you and Helen and Edith ? 

Mar. No ; we're not on speaking terms. 

Col. Is that so ? Rivalry, I suppose ? 

Mar. Yes, we had a little falling out. 

Col. Well, couldn't you fall in again this evening ? Be 
a nice, lively kind of a party if you don't. 

Mar. Very. 

Col. Extremely so. Might as well give it up, hadn't 
we? 

Mar. No, I wouldn't do that, Colonel. We can talk ta 
the gentlemen, can't we ? There's enough to go 
around. 

Col. Oh, yes ; but then they'd get tired of that. 

Mar. Why Colonel ! 

Col. Of course they will. They can't stand it — so much 
talk. You'll have to work a little of it off on each 
other. I think I'll see if I can't effect a reconcilia- 
tion. [Calling off.] Helen, come in here* please. 

Mar. Won't do any good, Colonel. I won't speak to 
her. 

Col. Why ? 

Mar. Because — we get along so much better without it. 



60 

We're very good friends as it is now. You'll only 
spoil it. 
Col. We'll see. [^Re-enter Helen.'] Helen 

Mar. Yes, that's it, Colonel. I don't know what yon- 
call it, or what its name is ; but I think that's it. 

Hel. Oh — you're all alone, are you uncle ? I'm so glad. 
I wanted to speak to you — privately. 

Col. You do ? Well — hadn't you better wait — no, go 
ahead. What is it you want to say ? 

Hel. You know — or at least you've heard that Winfred's 
engaged, haven't you ? 

Mar. Chestnut ! 

Hel. Where's that poll-parrot ? — talking slang I 

Col. Never mind ; — spirits, I guess. 

Hel. I think we'd better put a stop to it, before it's too- 
late. She's too frivolous and silly for him. He 
can do a good deal better. [Begins to storm with- 
out, and gradually increases.] 

Col Think so ? 

Hel. I know he can. It's only because he's going to be 
an officer that she wants him ; that's all. 

Mar. You didn't hear about Lieut. Lytton, did you. 
Colonel ? 

Col. No ; what about him ? 

Mar. Got his life insured. [Enter Edith.] 

Col. Indeed ! what for ? 

Mar. Afraid of being talked to death. 

Col. You don't say so. 

Mar. Yes — susceptible old maids hanging around him 
all the time. 

Col. Humph. Well, well ; — what kind was that ? — sus 
— su s — su scept — 

Mar. That's it — sus— sus — sh — sh ! sh ! 

Col. Sh ! sh ! don't tell anybody ! 

Hel. Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, ain't it ? Makes me 
laugh. 

Hdi. Hem ! 

Col. Oh— is that you, Edith ? I didn't notice you. 

Edi. I just came in. 

Col. Storm coming up, isn't there ? 



61 

JSdi. Yes. Big one too. G-ood thing I got home. Have 
you been having a good time — all by yourself here ? 

Col. Oh, fine ! splendid ! 

Edi. What you been doing ? 

Col. Oh, nothing much ; — just listening to the voices. 

Edi. So have I, uncle. Been taking a long walk. 

Col. Ah ! I know the kind of voices you've been listen- 
ing to. What are the wild waves saying to yoUy 
nowadays, Edith ? 

JEdi. Something awful nice, uncle. 

Col. I want to know. 

Edi. You won't tell anybody ? 
. Col. No — but hadn't you better be a little more careful? 
Is there no one else here ? 

JEdi. No ! Is there ? 

CoL I thought so. Must have been spirits then. 

Edi. Spirits ? 

Col. Yes. I heard something talking here a minute 
ago. 

Edi. No» it couldn't have been spirits, uncle. They 
don't talk right before your face. Oh, no ; its 
only behind your back they talk. 

Col. That's so; never thought of that. Must have been 
old maids then — eaten up with jealousy. 

Edi. So thin you couldn't see. Of course it was. 

Enter Tracy, Lieut, and Walter Lytton a7id 

Mrs. O. 

2Va. Phew ! Terrible storm coming up. You know it 

Colonel ? 
Col. Looks like it. 

Tra, What's this ? Quaker meeting ? 
Col. No ; spiritualistic seance. I'm the medium. 
Lieut. All communications strictly private ! 
Col. Very much so. 
Tra. Don't communicate directly ? 
Col. Oh, no ; not much. 
Tra. Sit around in the corners that way all evening, da 

they? 
Col. Seems so ; unless you can get'em out. 



62 

Tra, You might get struck by lightning to-night — all 

of you ; go to heayen with your tongues tied. 
Hel. I wouldn't care. 
Tra. Oh, no ; you wouldn't care. They would — up 

there though. Wouldn't know what to make of 

such things ; not being used to it. 
Edi. Well I can get along by myself. I don't need any- 

body's advice. 
Tra, You don't, hey ? 
Edi, No — I mean these old cranks that think they 

know so much. 
Tra. Suppose we leave'em here all alone — see what they 

do. [Aside.] You make an excuse to go, ColoneL 

We'll follow. 
Edi. You wouldn't leave me, would you, Walter ? 
Wal. No, indeed. I'll stay right here. 
Jlel. If you're only here, Mr. Lytton, I don't mind it 

— how much it storms. 
Lieut. Oh, I'll take care of you. Miss Helen. 
Hel. I wouldn't like to be left here all alone, you know. 
Lieut. No, certainly not. 
(Jol. Martha, suppose we go down to the office and see 

about that supper. Must be nearly ready by thi& 

time. 
Mrs. O. I should think so. 
Col. Winfred, there's a man down stairs wants to speak 

to you» [Exeunt Col. and Mrs, 0.] 
Tra. All right ; I'll be there. 

Mar. No you won't, either. You've got to stay here» 
Tra. I mean, after a while. 
Mar. No ; I might get struck by lightning. Oh, my I 

[Loud thmider.] 
Edi. Won't you please close those shutters, Walter ? I 

can't bear it. 
Wal. Certainly. [Tretends to close them.] I declare 

these shutters stick so I can't move them. I'll go 

down stairs and get a hatchet. 
Edi, No ! no 1 never mind ! 
Wal. I'll be back in a minute. 
Edi. I'll go with you I 



63 

Wal. No, you stay there. [Exit.'] 

JEdi. Oh, dear ! He did that purposely, I know. I 

don't care, I won't stay here, I'll go and hide. 

[Mcit.'\ 
Hel, If it wasn't for you, Mr. Lytton, I'd be dreadfully 

frightened. 
Lieut. You would ? Then you look upon me as a pro- 
tector ? 
JECel. Yes indeed. 

Lieut. I hope the storm will last forever, then. 
Sel. Oh, how can you be so cruel ! 
Lieut. Only to be kind. I'd always protect you, then. 
Hel. You wouldn't leave me ? 
Lieut. Never ! Miss Helen, never ! 
Hel. Let's see how it looks outside. {^Exeunt Lieut, and 

Helen.'] 
Tra. Marion, I think I must go down stairs and see 

that man. 
Mar. No, don't go. There's nobody there ; I don't 

want to be left alone here. 
Tra. Just a few moments. 
Mar. No, I'm afraid. 

Tra. Shaw ! What's the use in being such a goose. 
Mar. I don't care. I can't help it. 

Tra. It's very important 

Mar. No it isn't, either. It's very important for you to 

stay here. 

Tra. Really I 

Mar. No, you shan't go ! I won't let you. 

Tra. Just a minute. 

Mar. No ! I'll go with you, if you do. 

Re-enter Lieut, and Helen. 

Tra. I want to speak to Mr. Lytton a minute. You sit 
down here, I'll be back. [She sits apart^ covering 
her face.] 

Lieut. Hold on, Tracy. Where you going ? 

Tra. [Aside.] Down stairs. 

Lieut. Excuse me a moment, Miss Helen. [Aside.] I 
want to ask you something, Tracy. 



64 

Tra. Well, what is it ? 

Lieut. About your cousin here. You see — fact is, 
Tracy — I — I — you know I — 

Tra. Pretty badly gone on her, hey ? 

Lieut. That's it exactly. I was just thinking that — 
now would be a good time, you know, to — to pro- 
pose. 

Tra. To what? 

Lieut. Propose-^ask her. 

Tra. Oh — certainly ; of course it would. Anytime is 
good enough for Helen. 

Lieid. Got to come some time. 

Tra. Yes ; might as well be now as any. 

Lieut. She couldn't refuse me now ; you think so ? 

Tra. No ! She wouldn't refuse you. Sail right in, old 
man. Do your level best. You've got my permis- 
sion 

Lieut. She's so badly frightened now that 

Tra. Yes, and so are you, for that matter — worse than 
she is, I should say. [ Going.] 

Lieut. Hold on ; don't go yet. 

Tra. Oh, I can't stay here all night Lytton. You've 
got to face the music ; no getting out of that. 

Lieut. Yes I know ; but then, you see — I — I don't 
know exactly 

T7'a. I'll tell you. As soon as you'ask her — the very 
next moment — get right up and go. Don't wait 
another minute. 

Lieut. Not wait for an answer ? 

Tra, No ; never mind — the answer. Get right up 
and go. 

Lieut. What for ? 

Tra. I can't stop to explain. You do as I tell you, 
though. Get right up and dust. [Mcit.'] 

Lieut. I don't exactly understand that. Perhaps he's 
right, though. Anyway I'll try it. [SpeaJcs con- 
fusedly interrupted by loud peals of thunder and 
exclamations from Helen., etc.] Miss Helen, I've 
been thinking for some time — that — I — I — you 
know — I've got something to say to you — 



65 

Hel. Please don't leave me, Mr. Lytton. 

Lieut. No, no ; I won't Helen — never ! I never want 
to leave your side — 

Hel. You're so kind. 

Lieut. I think so much of you that I — I —I can't ex- 
press it. 

Hel, I'm so afraid — oh, my ! Ain't it dreadful. 

Lieut. Awful ! Terrible ! I couldn't leave you, Miss 
Helen — I couldn't ! 

Hel. If you're only with me — 

Lieut. Yes — right here, I am. Don't be afraid, Helen. 
I — I love you ! I love you with all my heart ! — 

Hel. Who ? AVho does ? 

Lieut. I — I do ! Here ! Now ! This evening. 

Hel. This evening ? 

Lieut. Yes, always ! Will you — will you — perhaps — I 
— I see — you don't understand — 

Hel, No ; who is it you're talking about ? 

Lieut. Me ! I ! Myself ! Now ! This evening ! Will 
you — will you be my wife, Helen ? Will you mairy 
me ? Will you ? Will you ? {Exit.'] 

Hel. {L'o herself.'] What's he talking about ? {Realiz- 
. ing it.] Yes ! yes ! yes ! Come back ! Oh — 
YFalls in a faint.] 

Re-enter Edith. 

Edith. Helen ! What's the matter ! Oh ! 

Mar. {Kneeling ly her side.] She's fainted. Get some 

water, quick ! 
Edi. Here's some, Helen ! Poor, dear Helen ! What ails 

her I wonder ? 
Mar. Here — fan her, that way. 
Edi. Don't you know ? 
Mar, No ; I didn't see anything. 
Edi. I hope she won't die ! I don't want her to die yet 

awhile. 
Mar. No danger. 

Edi. Poor thing ! She's frightened. 
Mar. No wonder — see, she's coming to ! 



66 

Ecli. Yes ! Helen ! Cousin, don't you know us, dear. 
What's the matter with you ? 

Hel. Where — where am I ? 

Edi. Here — uncle's room. Don't you know ? 

Hel. I — I can't see. 

Edi. They're all here. I'll go call them. 

Hel. No, no — wait. Let me think. 

Mar. What made you faint, Helen ? 

Hel. I don't know. Mr. Lytton — he — he 

Edi. Was he here ? 

Hel. Yes. He was talking— I couldn't hear — about 
something — somebody or other- — 

Edi. What about them ? 

Hel. I forget — he said something — about getting mar- 
ried, I think' 

Mar. And you fainted ! No wonder. 

Edi. Perhaps — don't — don't you think, Helen, perhaps 
he meant 

Hel. I don't know. It may have been the lightning. 

Mar. Lightning ! That's what it was ! 

Edi. Where did he go ? 

Hel. He ? — He — -lie walked off — all of a sudden. 

Edi. Seems mighty funny. Perhaps that's the custom 
here, though. 

Ee-enter Wal. Lytton Col. Oldcroft and Mrs. 0. 

Col. Oh, here's quite a change. 

Edi. Uncle, Helen fainted ! 

Col. Fainted ! 

Edi. Yes. 

Col. What for ? 

Edi. She don't know. 

Col. Don't know ! 

Edi. No ; don't know anything about it. 

Col. I'd like to know who does, then. 

Re-enter Tracy and Lieut. Lytton. 

Lieut. [Aside.'\ But I'm not certain about it. 
Tra. \Aside.'] Don't matter. Take it for granted she 
said yes, of course. That's the way. 



1 



67 

Col, Don't anybody know anything about it ? 

Lieut. Colonel, I think I can explain this. Helen ^ 

will you allow me to assist you ? You can stand ? 

[Raising her up.'] 
Hel. Oh, yes. Thank you. . 
Lieut. If you'll permit me, friends, I'll now introduce 

to you my — my — future wife. 
Hel Who ? 

Lieut. My future wife, Helen. 
Hel. Well ! That's the first I knew of that. 
Tra. Helen, what's the matter with you, anyway ? 
Hel. "Nothing only he's never asked me yet. 
Lieut. Neyer asked you ? 
Hel. No. 
Lieut. Well, I — I may be mistaken. I was under the- 

impression I did. [^Turns aivay.'] 
Tm. Hold on, Lytton. Don't give it up, yet. You're 

getting this thing all mixed up, Helen. Of course 

he asked you. That's what made you faint. 
Hel. It was ? 
Mar. Yes, and I heard her scream out. " Yes ! yes ! " 

with all her might. 
Hel. I didn't ! 
Mar. Yes you did — and then tumbled over on the floors 

mi. Well, I'm sure if I did, I'll stick to it. 
Lieut. No, it don't matter now. 

Ira. Now look here, don't you get cranky. We'll never 
get this thing settled. 

Hel. I hope you're not offended, Mr. Lyt 

Lieut. Oh, no ; not in the least. Small matter. 
Tra. Say yes, Helen, quick, and have it over with. 
Hel. Yes ! 

Tra. There now you satisfied } 
Lieut. I'm satisfied. Pardon me, Helen. 
Hel. You'll never run away from me again ? 
Lieut. Never ! Never again. 
Hel. I'll take you, then. 
Col. Well ! It's all over with, is it? 
Tra. All settled. 



68 

Col. Pm glad of it. You're all satisfied now ? 

All. Yes ! 

Col. No more quarrels ? 

All No ! No ! 

Col. No more nonsense ? 

All. Oh, of course not now. 

Edith. Yes sir, yes — 

Col. What's that ? 

Edi, "Well, I — I — mean, except when the spirits move 
us. 

CoL Oh, well you're excusable — little thing like you. -I 
like to see people enjoy themselves ; I think you've 
all done so this evening. Does them good. Makes 
'em feel more like taking hold of life seriously^ 
afterwards. Besides, the most important things in 
life often come about in that way — the result of 
impulse, quite as much as choice. Let us strive ta 
cultivate the proper impulses. We need, then, 
never fear the promptings of the heart. We may 
stumble, but cannot fall. 

Curtain. 



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